My brain was a real dick to me last night

Mar 2016 ⋅ ⋅

My brother smelled the garlic bread my father was making

Jul 2014 ⋅

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I wish the mainstream media would figure this the fuck out

Nov 2015 ⋅

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Its non-transferable and theres no cash portion

Mar 2015 ⋅

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It goes both ways girls

Aug 2014 ⋅

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People are finding this out the hard way, don't fall victim to this crap

Sep 2014 ⋅

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Went to Chinese lunch with my coworkers, this was one of their fortunes

Aug 2014 ⋅

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Saudi Arabia is threatening to sue anyone who compares them to ISIS

Nov 2015 ⋅

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My little brother describing the horrors of summer camp on our way to drop him off today

Jul 2014 ⋅

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As someone who's never had any artistic skill I finally can paint a realistic landscape! I present to you The Sun Rises Over Shanghai

Dec 2013 ⋅

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Looking at you Guy watching shitty YouTube videos of a shitty concert in the Doctor's waiting room

Oct 2015 ⋅

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She was so excited about it too, I hated having to tell her

Feb 2015 ⋅

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It's no wonder Orlando has so many train accidents when people do this

Dec 2014 ⋅

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Pretty good find at Goodwill this morning for under $5

Nov 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #5

Noticed the LMD Decision of SHIELD on a sign in the background of F.Z.Z.T. Life model decoy?

Jan 2015 ⋅

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Phones that learn what you type are not given enough credit for this

Sep 2015 ⋅

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So, this was in my email this morning. Those are not the current Summer sale games. Leak of next week?

Jun 2014 ⋅

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TIL Samara is an actual word in English, here is a picture of one (x-post /r/askreddit)

Jan 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #x-post--r-askreddit #askreddit #x-post #r

My co-worker named his newborn daughter Candi

Apr 2015 ⋅

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Hey guys! I just invented a new form of parachute that's quicker to put on, easier to pack, and should work 100% of the time. Can someone who's not afraid of heights please test it for me?

Oct 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #100

Replaying ME1 and I noticed this little slip up. Who the hell is Sovereign? Should be one of the choices.

Dec 2014 ⋅

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So sue Pepperidge farm

Nov 2015 ⋅

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How did this guy start slow motion when he fell? Why don't we replace all parachutes with this slow mo technology?

Mar 2016 ⋅

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My parents, 23 years married, gave me this advice before moving in with my SO. Last night made me realize how valuable it is.

Nov 2014 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #23

In light of the cool new trailer its seems some people need to be reminded of this

Mar 2015 ⋅

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The first 12 years of the MCU (x-post /r/marvelcinematicuniverse)

Feb 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #x-post--r-marvelcinematicuniverse #marvelcinematicuniverse #x-post #r #12

This Texas Congressman threatened to arrest anyone publishing his mugshot. So, naturally, here is a link

Mar 2014 ⋅

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I just solved rising sea levels. Where can I pick up my nobel prize?

Nov 2015 ⋅

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Well, we've been up for less than 24 hours, that didn't take long. I guess they feel threatened

Feb 2014 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #24

While cuddling she grabbed my arm and said she was taking it. When I asked how she planned to do that my GF dropped this bomb on me.

Jul 2015 ⋅

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As an American...

Nov 2015 ⋅

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North Korea is the worst at Battleship

Dec 2015 ⋅

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I work at a tech support call center, thank god this was the end of the call and I wasn't expected to respond

Jun 2015 ⋅

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Coors light and Budweiser would like you to know that you are only allowed to drink if today is your 21st birthday

Feb 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #21

After watching Making a Murderer I feel the need to make sure everyone knows this

Jan 2016 ⋅

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How I feel about DC movies after seeing the new Suicide Squad trailer

Jan 2016 ⋅

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I recently started my new art career. You guy's liked my first painting so much I thought I'd offer up a second piece for critique. I present to you An Artist's Depiction of the Marianas Trench.

Dec 2013 ⋅

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This has been my experience after buying a new mattress

Jan 2016 ⋅

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Those 6 minutes when I didn't know it if was coming back were scary

May 2015 ⋅

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This would save hours of my day if more people understood this

Nov 2015 ⋅

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I had the opposite experience for my first Reddit secret Santa

Jan 2015 ⋅

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I missed my first cake day and I'm sure I'll forget about my next one in two days so

Nov 2014 ⋅

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My imessage experience in a nutshell

Aug 2013 ⋅

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Pic a politician, any politician, this is their thought process

Oct 2013 ⋅

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All I could think of when I was reading about the warp drives

May 2015 ⋅

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I just wanted to share my good luck

Aug 2014 ⋅

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This was me in my freshman year of high school

May 2014 ⋅

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Maybe the fact that you find your co worker hot but not your wife explains why she's upset in the first place

Aug 2015 ⋅

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We have a one-man restroom at my office and this shit is annoying

Aug 2014 ⋅

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To the people who got pissed when I commented asking for a more reputable source than Fox saying the Chinese want to put guns in space

Apr 2014 ⋅

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I cannot stress enough how helpful this is

Mar 2015 ⋅

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I recently started working with a bunch of pharmacies and never realized how expensive the drugs were

Feb 2015 ⋅

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I started a new job a couple months ago. I was asked to fill in for the regular Saturday helpdesk tech and I came to this realization today.

Mar 2015 ⋅

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Battlefront, Mad Max, and now Just Cause 3 have all had gameplay trailers

Apr 2015 ⋅

⋅ ⋅ #3

Fine, here! Here is a truly unpopular opinion!! Now shut the hell up about it!!

Mar 2014 ⋅

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I was rereading the bible and I had forgotten about this passage, maybe the new Indiana law isn't so bad

Apr 2015 ⋅

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I'm not certain if I should feel bad about this

Oct 2013 ⋅

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I was such an innocent minded child

Nov 2014 ⋅

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Seriously people. Classic example of natural selection. Be a dumbass, your offspring don't survive.

Mar 2014 ⋅

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Ran into Scumbag Steve while out getting lunch, I don't carry cash

Oct 2013 ⋅

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As an American I'm going to miss all you anonymous people

May 2014 ⋅

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Heather Nicole Conklin, the ultimate scumbag Stacey

Apr 2013 ⋅

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