Bill Burr on Good Day NY, sharp as ever.
The conversation my son and I will have on Christmas Eve.
I took a few shots at Lake Louise today and Google offered me this panorama:
Jamaican Super Lotto winner taking NO CHANCES
Good Networking Advice
My friend was stopped by some tourists to take a photo of them in front of an advertisement for Tape Face in Las Vegas... My friend IS Tape Face.
Landlord decided to turn down the heat today in my MN apartment as it reached -40°. But the idiot must have forgotten he pays my electric and doesn't realize that I value my comfort over safety or energy conservation.
History professor teaches about the first man in space.
Bollywood at it finest.
My cab driver tonight was so excited to share with me that he’d made the cover of the calendar. I told him I’d help let the world see
Guardians of the Front Page
Don't mess with this guy
Magicians are nothing without their assistant
Surprising move from the referee.
Morgan Freeman doesn't need a stunt double
Citizen of Golden, CO (home of Coors and about a dozen other breweries) was upset people drink beer in their town.
My boss knows what's up
The truth about dad jokes
I get an email every time I get a package delivered to my apartment’s mailroom. It’s supposed to be a photo of the label, but there’s this one guy...
Hits too close to home
Ryan Reynolds thought he was attending a sweater party.
Work smarter, not harder
So my friend went to the DMV on Halloween...
If Only We All Had This Power!
Mom trying to convince daughter that Raptor is not scary
Tried to convince my son that a buffalo chicken is a real animal. He demanded I google it. I knew google images had my back.
Outwitting a driver who won't let you pass
I'm deathly afraid of heights... I went to the Skydeck at the Willis Tower (Sears Tower) and slowly inched my back to the edge, mustered up all composure I could and took a pic. I thought I nailed it until I saw the photo...
Please stop flipping me off...
A local farm where I live had trouble with their flock all wanting to sleep in the same house, each night they have to go break them up. The other night they found their dog had joined in
Driving over a pothole after the city authorities have measured it and confirmed it's within the limits.
One cup of sand from each of the beaches I’ve visited in the past three years
Friend found this in her neighborhood
Finally redone correctly.
I could see how this could be taken out of context...
It was the only way to get 5 out of 5 stars.
Today was Meme Day at my old high school for homecoming week. I appreciate this science teacher even more now.
My brother-in-law, who has 2 girls, taking in the aftermath of Christmas morning, wearing a Yeti Onesie that they picked out for him.
After years of this guy using my email as a spam account, I got my revenge. He signed my email. Up for SiriusXM which also gives me the ability to beep his horn.
Is it just me, or is Tom Cruise beginning to look like a middle aged lesbian?
My husband Ian insisted that our new puppy Nala get her own stocking. I thought it was sweet until I realized he had ulterior motives..
He didn't choose the filter life, the filter life chose him
The war is over.
Just picked up Ed Sheeran's new album
A guy at my wife's job still think that his new plant is a cactus. It's actually a pickle that is replaced by a new one each 2 days... It's been like that for 2 weeks now.
Rami Malek always looks like he's trying to eat chips as quietly as possible
Our AirBnB had a translucent bathroom door. I’m used to my impatient toddler stalking me through the bathroom door, but this took it to a much creepier level.
Minnesota's finest responding to noise complaint ends in epic Super Smash Brothers competition
Gym guy teaching blind woman how to deadlift
And he suppose to guard our galaxy?!
So much rage
Did I ask you to stop, SLAVE!?
I used to work at a restaurant that purchased Land O'Lakes Buttered Milk in bulk...
Had to get my blood drawn today. This was on the wall at the lab.
I just faceswapped my dog and my cat
I needed my wife and daughters to smile during a photo shoot, so I told a dad joke.
Festivals are so awesome
My buddy puts up billboards for a living and is an avid disc golfer, so a group of of local discers pooled together enough money to pull this prank. He had no idea until he finished putting the billboard up.
Fun for the whole family.
Shoutout to the 13-year-old on a skateboard who called me a “candy corn bitch”
So much respect for this guy.
Reminds me of taking a bath
Kitchen counter cat says wassup
Today on reddit
I've waited my entire life to see someone actually try this
Tom Hanks crashing couples wedding photo shoot.
Good news, everybody! The solar eclipse glasses I ordered a month ago finally came!
My window cracked so I fixed it the only way I know how
Sent picture of my kids (left) to the wrong number and their (right) response was....
You can never out-prank a dad
+1 to the smartass who put this motion activated sticker on the paper towels at work that are in fact NOT motion activated!🤣
The calm before the storm.......
Ferrari Brakes On Carpet
s i m u l a t i o n
Christina Aguilera is the fairy godmother from shrek 2
My parents haven't noticed.
A Dog's Wish
My local weather station, telling it in real life terms.
Login: admin Password: admin
I just want someone who looks at me the way Gal Gadot shamefully remembers she's married.
The picture NASA doesn't want you to see.
Put your hands up
Mark Ruffalo visits children's hospital in his Hulk costume.
My lady friend wanted a piggy back picture on the beach and a random biker watching the sunset said he wanted one too.
She didn't have a problem with it until we were 2 hours away from home, then suddenly it was a huge problem.
Received my Elon Musk flamethrower today.
Overcrowding in British prisons
Miami is a Mario Kart track now
Gotta get me one
Charging Drawer - 5 minutes later
Girl takes cardboard cutout of Danny DeVito to prom, so Danny DeVito takes cardboard cutout of the girl to Paddy’s Pub
Giving a teddy bear on Kiss Cam.
You can tell the age of a tree by counting the rings. You can tell the age of an artificial xmas tree by counting the layers of duct tape holding the box together.
the social media queue
How do you like it?
My GF's obsession with cheesy cursive signs inspired me to make my own uninspirational signs
twice a year : D
I knew that the car we used to draw in kindergarten does exist.
That’s ok, Friday is fine.
My wife put We Still Do. 13 Years on this letterboard. I added a word when she wasn't looking. She is posting this version to Facebook as I type this without realizing the change. Wish me luck.
Mark Wahlberg invited this homeless man to eat for free at his restaurant.. Respect
SANDRA CAN YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING THING BIT OF A SITUATION HERE
20 Years Difference
Tell me your favorite song
My dad and I recreated a tender moment 34 years later
Sneak Level 100
It’s always nice getting pictures from our son’s teacher showing how he’s excelling in school
Conor McGregor got his newborn son a 3-piece suit for the big fight.
Wait a minute...
This gag is now a century old
That’s how anxiety works
Waze, summed up in a gif.
UPDATE. EA announces plans for next gen controller.
These people who set up a tent at an art fair
Think this counts as a hole-in-one
Curious baby gets a surprise
Google is shutting down Google+
I told my husband I wanted a picture alone with Jason Momoa, but he wasn't comfortable with that. [x-post from r/pics]
Dinosaurs do exist
Somehow Willie Nelson looks the least stoned.
The great escape!
Wife left me alone with the kids for the first time and after asking for an update I sent her this
A beard makes a big difference.