Dear Aldi, is everything in your shop nicked?

Nov 2018 ⋅

Got my rebate! Think I'll go out and celebrate with... half a pint of mild.

Feb 2019 ⋅

Have a very merry Christmas. That's an order!

Dec 2017 ⋅

Currently playing Mr May in new dystopian sitcom...

Jul 2018 ⋅

Looking forward to the new events at the next Winter Olympics!

Mar 2019 ⋅

I find it the quickest way to the pub

Apr 2018 ⋅

This 10 year challenge thing is depressing me...

Jan 2019 ⋅

Oh lord - has brexit happened while I've been in here?

Mar 2019 ⋅

I’ve hung up my jacket and now I’m resting on the stool.

Jun 2018 ⋅

My beer is telling how I'm going to feel in a minute...

Sep 2017 ⋅

Worrking on a werewolf script, with plans to cast only premiership managers:

Jan 2019 ⋅

What did I get for Christmas? Four new pens...

Dec 2017 ⋅

Shame that Bargain Hunt missed out on the award for best video...

Feb 2019 ⋅

Have left comedy behind to manage Chelsea for a while. Or perhaps I can do both at the same time?

Aug 2018 ⋅

Currently filming in Kuala Lumpur, though I didn't realise it was going to be this kind of film...

Apr 2018 ⋅

But I thought Posh Spice wasn’t going to be part of the reunion?

Nov 2018 ⋅

I just got knitted! (By @CarolineGsbM )

Feb 2018 ⋅

Is it true we have to use our old passports after Brexit? I don't look much like I used to...

Mar 2019 ⋅

Does this, or does this not, look like toothpaste? I will now have to shave my teeth...

Apr 2018 ⋅

'I wonder why?'

Jan 2018 ⋅

Their Tesla is in range and short of fuel... ( with thanks to @designjonathan )

Feb 2018 ⋅

I see news of The Bad Shepherds reunion (with new banjo player) has leaked...

May 2018 ⋅

Finally got myself a personalised number plate

Oct 2017 ⋅

World Cup? I told em we already got one.

Jul 2018 ⋅

This starts tonight and runs for the next 4 nights. No pressure...

Dec 2017 ⋅

Curtains instead of trousers - a sort of ‘wall’ for legs...

Feb 2019 ⋅

It's publication day! Run to the shops!... Run, run run!... Keep running!.... Run faster!!!

Jun 2018 ⋅