I still hear it in my head like that when I see it, though.

1yr ⋅ ⋅

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I'm between IT jobs. I started delivering pizza because finding a new gig is taking longer than expected. Today, the restaurant's entire POS system went down during the dinner rush and all the managers and cashiers were scrambling.

7yr ⋅

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I haven't pointed it out to her yet, but I wonder if my ex sees the irony in her situation.

7yr ⋅

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Summer 2021 in America

2yr ⋅

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I used to give these guys a chance because I didn't want to look like a gatekeeping jerk, but after countless missions failed because I got downed once after reviving them 10+ times, I'm over it and I just insta-kick now.

1yr ⋅

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It's funny how people get up on a high-horse to justify not tipping. The only person you're 'sticking it to' is the employee.

7yr ⋅

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Just picked up a replacement battery for my Galaxy Note 4. Got onto the topic of the Note 7 with the guy at the electronics repair shop. Never realized Samsung shot themselves in the foot this badly.

7yr ⋅

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MRW I'm about to have sex with a girl and she tells me that I smell like her dad.

7yr ⋅

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It was filled up to the brim and the lids were over at the other server station.

7yr ⋅

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When I see that people are already bitching about Pokemon Go posts.

8yr ⋅

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I feel like an idiot that this just clicked for me. THE NAME OF THE MISSING SUBMARINE WAS TITAN!!!

10mo ⋅

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Spoke to a buddy of mine recently and found out he's unemployed because of fuckers like this.

7yr ⋅

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I know it technically spreads it around, but it still goes away much faster than a stagnant cubicle full of ass air.

7yr ⋅

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When I see cute pictures and gifs of cows on Reddit.

7yr ⋅

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Thankfully, at least my parents are still happily married.

9yr ⋅

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[Request] Bird face-planting in its own nest.

7yr ⋅

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This Kettle looks like Hitler! (Xpost from /r/pics)

11yr ⋅

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If those 2 chicks stopped fighting, they could probably kick that dude's ass.

2yr ⋅

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Noticed the Hot Pockets I picked up the other day offer a Halo XP boost. The QR code to redeem the offer is on the OUTSIDE of the box. My box was already redeemed and I assume every other box at the store probably was too.

2yr ⋅

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Playing as a Constructor, using a controller. Showing the buttons for this ability on the wrong sides confuses and infuriates me constantly.

6yr ⋅

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When you start to feel the brownies kick in, and then suddenly realize you made them way too strong.

7yr ⋅

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When you're baked as fuck and can't quite articulate what you want to the fast food cashier, so you just point at the picture on the menu board.

7yr ⋅

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A household of trust.

6yr ⋅

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MRW I see my dog behind the couch chewing on a little piece of something.

8yr ⋅

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When your dealer is real paranoid about being discreet via text.

4yr ⋅

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That first huge bong rip after a long, hard day at work.

7yr ⋅

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There were no complaints about my workflow on normal days when we're swamped.

8yr ⋅

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Packing a big bowl with a bunch of kief on top and my buddy suddenly tosses the lighter at me, making me flinch and spill the whole goddamn thing.

7yr ⋅

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My buddy won't buy a vape because he doesn't like the high. MRW he sends me a big snap vid where he torches and fireballs the fuck out of the bowl before it's even smoked through, wasting the bottom third of what he packed:

7yr ⋅

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Game Logic (Turok Evolution) - Well, if everyone who's alive can't see him, it was probably nothing.

7yr ⋅

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MRW my co-worker, who scolded me earlier for saying the word shit, suddenly slams her mouse and yells This software is so RETARDED!

6yr ⋅

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MRW when I'm out on a date with my girlfriend and she casually mentions that she got a Brazilian wax earlier.

7yr ⋅

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Summer 2021 in America

2yr ⋅

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MRW I'm a Nazi leader and I realize it's way easier to use a bike to salute everyone at the rally.

6yr ⋅

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MFW I get home with my vacuum-sealed ounce, open it up, and it smells dank as fuck. (X-post /r/aww)

7yr ⋅

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While I absolutely don't approve of white rights activists or any of that all lives matter bullshit, this mindset kind of irks me too.

6yr ⋅

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Did you even taste it? Because that was the fuckin point.

7yr ⋅

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You're not fixing the issue. You're making it worse.

8yr ⋅

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Kavanaugh hearings hosted in Bikini Bottom

5yr ⋅

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GRRM's reaction when everyone said The ending in the show sucked! The book's going to be different and better, right? as he runs off to re-write the entire fucking thing.

3yr ⋅

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Been dry for a week with zero leads. Gonna try my hand at some edibles. Here's to high hopes.

10yr ⋅

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2 weeks into a new job, I'd made several rookie mistakes because the people training me could not explain things clearly and often instructed me to do things completely wrong. I vented to a co-worker about how frustrating that is. Boss overheard and this was his solution.

6yr ⋅

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This subreddit has upped my little brother's grilled cheese game big time.

7yr ⋅

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I've pretty much stopped playing after I realized this.

8yr ⋅

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There's even a preferred name field I could have updated for her if she had just been nice about it.

8yr ⋅

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If you can get rid of me for not liking my face, I can ditch you to take a better opportunity. Don't try and twist my arm.

7yr ⋅

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Working towards the end of student debt, credit card debt, and paying off my car. Scratch-off lottery tickets I got for Christmas all advertise huge million-dollar jackpots and winnings like $1,000 a week for life.

7yr ⋅

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When my bud's way too loud to carry through the house, I'll throw it down the stairwell in my side yard. Then I can open the basement side door and grab it. MRW I'm about to head downstairs and my dad says Let the dog out, but look around first. Thought I smelled a skunk out there.

6yr ⋅

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As kids, we all knew this is what he was thinking.

7yr ⋅

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Completely leveled the island and stuffed it with rides to the point where they're pretty much up each other's asses. Still less than halfway to my goal of getting $10k in ride tickets in a month... Any tips?

7yr ⋅

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Looks like Jerry's doing ads for Super Pantry in the off season.

10yr ⋅

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Everyone wants to be Batman's most notorious arch rival for Halloween this year.

8yr ⋅

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I was expecting at least a little buyer's remorse, but I was pleasantly surprised.

8yr ⋅

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I'm always very considerate of my neighbors, even though they're all puffing away in their own units. Didn't realize my window exhaust fan got unplugged one night.

7yr ⋅

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Dexter the oversized Wheaten (65lbs and fit!) sportin' his short haircut at the beginning of summer. Guest appearance by Shawn the Sheep.

6yr ⋅

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Chicken didn't pull apart right? Just throw it in the food processor.

7yr ⋅

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We're talking less than 15min in the mornings. Most days, I had no actual work to do until after lunch. 1st stop every morning was boss's office to see if she had anything for me. Nope. Guess I'll go fake work for 3 and a half hours.

7yr ⋅

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Haven't smoked in months. Finally got a job offer. They said I'd get an email that same day on where to do my drug screen, which would mark the start of a 3-day window to take the test and pass. 4 days later, MRW I've called them back twice and been told It should get sent tomorrow morning.

8yr ⋅

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Then he tries to call me selfish for not letting him use any of my stuff after his breaks.

8yr ⋅

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I'll admit the double standard of 'Hot = sweet/romantic and Not = gross/creepy' has me conditioned to keep my distance... I'm working on it.

9yr ⋅

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The catchy rhyme doesn't apply to me anymore. :'(

7yr ⋅

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To get me signed up for a scam dating site.

6yr ⋅

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No one in my house smokes cigarettes. But some family members who do came over for ONE evening for a get-together. 4 days later, I'm still finding random butts out by my garage.

6yr ⋅

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At an [8], heard an unexpected knock at the door, but then remembered it was the pizza I had ordered and forgotten about. MRW

11yr ⋅

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My friend takes pride in the fact that her office will fall apart without her if she takes more than a few days vacation and she'll have a mountain of work when she gets back.

7yr ⋅

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Some people are giving him props for his statement, but this stuck out to me.

6yr ⋅

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My buddy nickel n dimes his dealer sometimes, but the guy still helps him out because he's a frequent buyer. Dankruptcy sucks, but actual bankruptcy is much worse. Purchase responsibly, fellow ents!

7yr ⋅

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Forgot why I glued a magnet to my bong last night. Then I realized... (First post on here!)

12yr ⋅

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I use this shot of my Wheaten's fur as my phone's wallpaper. Now my homepage looks as soft and fuzzy as he is! (Taken with a Galaxy Note 4)

8yr ⋅

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Forgot why I glued a magnet to my bong last night. Then I realized... (RP from SPT)

12yr ⋅

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Girlfriend goes I have heartburn. Gimme one of your little dick pills. That's when I noticed the font Tums decided to use.

6yr ⋅

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Doesn't happen often, but it's nice to see Reddit have my back every once in a while.

8yr ⋅

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Just deleted my OKC account after getting catfished for the 3rd time. I'm all for wanting too look nice, but the neck-out, chest-up, cropped pictures with downward MySpace angles just scream insecurity.

9yr ⋅

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JC Penny Tea Kettle or Cartoony Hitler? (Pic my buddy took)

11yr ⋅

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Koala in my side yard fence.

12yr ⋅

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Every professor of mine in college said I'd be a fantastic teacher. Wanna know what I wouldn't be fantastic at? Being fucking undervalued. So I started a different career path to be able to live comfortably.

11yr ⋅

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Seriously. How surprised can you really be about this DEA stuff?

12yr ⋅

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