If you're watching this tape, you are the President of the United States. Hello, sir, or ma'am. ...Hopefully sir.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
The governor may have gained a little weight but he's not some kind of food-crazed maniac!7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Today in Austin history: Spider Monkey on Loose on South 1st (Statesman 4/23/1962)4yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/Austin
TIL of Travis County Election Precinct 175. Caught between a congressional district boundary and a state house boundary (which precincts cannot cross), the tiny precinct has 1 registered voter.1yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/Austin
Didn't catch this when I was a kid... The swearing-in of Little Miss Springfield vs LBJ9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
What's up with the Trail of Lights shuttle buses this year? BOTH our drivers got lost. Here's the route the first one took from the Toney Burger Center to Zilker!1yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/Austin
This is Milhouse. He's my best friend because... well... geographical convenience really.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
As president I would demand a science fiction library featuring an ABC of the overlords of the genre: Asimov, Bester, Clarke. --What about Bradbury? --I'm aware of his work.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Mrs. Simpson: While we were rescuing your husband, a lumberyard burned down.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Perhaps it is time we have a child. I've noticed this country is dangerously underpopulated.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
I am happy to report we've succeeded in blocking the St. Patrick's Day Parade, which every year steps on several lizards.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
The boys are grounded. I found out Rod watched a commercial for Grey's Anatomy, and Todd took a full day to tell me.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Hey, they're playing the Remember Remember Remember Alf? He's back, in Pog form!? It's back, in Pog form!? It's back, in Pog form! meme again!6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/simpsonsshitposting
World's first driving dog? Professor Von Bowser did it 20 years earlier7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/simpsonsdidit
Someone has mixed an Amazing Spider-Man in with the Peter Parker: the Spectacular Spider-Man series! This will not stand!7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
I've sold feed stores to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook!6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/simpsonsshitposting
Why do we live in a town where the smartest have no power and the stupidest run everything? Maybe I should just move back to Alabama.6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
When you can't quite hear the phone call because you're wearing a towel7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
I called my good friend Sting. He said, Krusty, when do you need me? I said, Thursday. He said, I'm busy Thursday. I said, What about Friday? He said, Friday's worse than Thursday. Then he said, How about Saturday? I said, Fine. True story.7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
When you're so embarrassed you wish there was a hole you could crawl into and die6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
Why should the race always be to the swift? Or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is a gift man gives himself!9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
When you step up to the pulpit to read from the epistles of St. Paul, but instead promote your snow-plowing business6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
No banging your head on the display case please. It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
When you think you got a B on your quiz but it's really an F with some Kahlua spilled on it7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
Just follow a little formula called PB&J: Peer at the monitor, Be judgmental, and Jot it down. One way to remember that is ABC: Always Be Considering PB&J. But the single most important rule is the four A's: Always Act According to ABC.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
It says Yes on 232. We want NO on 232! Yes on 242! And the bumper stickers misspelled on! They all say Yes No 242! And it's the night before the election and you haven't handed them out!8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Your dad used to be as smart as a monkey! But then his mind started getting lazy, and now he's dumb as a chimp.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
We the jury find that to be America's Funniest Home Video. Back to you, Bob Saget!8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
You must pursue your dreams! Like my old dream of coming to America and starting a family. Or my new dream of ditching my family and sneaking back to India in disguise.6yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire because I've got the desire to kick your ass!7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
That moment just before you realize you said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
My parents took me to Hawaii once, but I was intimidated by the physiques of the local kids, so I just stayed in the hotel room.7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
When you're in class learning how to build a successful marriage and you realize the teacher is using the same lesson plan as the orange-eating class7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
There's only one way my show can compete with this. Book that animal that always chomps on my groin.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Our tour starts in your own room, where Relaxo-vision offers you the latest Hollywood hits and, after midnight, the finest R-rated movies Europe has to offer.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
When you see food at someone else's table that looks better than what you ordered8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
When you're at a comedy show and you take a gulp of wine right as the stand-up comic makes a ribald comment8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/SimpsonsFaces
You can kill me, but someone will take my place. And if you kill him, someone will take his place. And that's pretty much the end of it--the town will be yours.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
KML map of the five new Capitol View Corridor height restrictions proposed by city council (link in comments)7yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/Austin
When Homer does something wrong, I write a list of ways he can make it up to me, then I shred the list and put it in his food.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Here's your nicknames: Brooklyn, Hollywood, Kissimmee-St.Cloud Florida, Maverick, Blanket Hog, Newman's Own, Master of Suspense, England's Rose, Nickname Pending, Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Snowflake.9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
No offense, but you remind me of the monkey-man who slaughtered my family's chickens.8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Four more USA fast food Voronoi-ish heatmaps: BK, Starbucks, Subway, TacoBell [GIF][964x548][OC] (album in comments)9yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/MapPorn
I win-a the race! Viva Italia! I love-a you all, I use up all of my English!8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
You don't know Lisa! I mean, she's so smart they hooked her up to a big computer to try to teach it some things, but she had so much knowledge it overloaded and then it got really hot and caught on fire!!8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
Over the years, I've [inhales] a lot of 'WHOA', and I've [grunts sexually] my share of 'Aooga!'8yr ⋅ uluman ⋅ r/TheSimpsons
