Would you like 1 scoop of crime, or two?

10mo ⋅ ⋅

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This little heart on my hand is called a cuddle button. Since my wife died last year, my 4y/o daughter has hated being away from me. Her teacher draws this on both our hands when I drop her off at school and every time we press it, it sends a hug to the other. It helps her feel connected to me.

4yr ⋅

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Brilliant. Got this today, I've got until Friday to dress my kids up in 1605 costumes. Thanks for the notice FFS.

1yr ⋅

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This is Norman. Norman is 60 years old. Norman visited our Nursing Home today to meet our residents. We love Norman.

3yr ⋅

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Well well well, look who's back in town! A lot has changed old friend, but I dearly hope you have not.

1yr ⋅

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Anybody know who this distinguished individual is? Looks like a rich Russian Lady to me. Seen in Lincolnshire UK.

2yr ⋅

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Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III makes a rather spiffing vase.

2yr ⋅

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This little heart on my hand is called a cuddle button. Since my wife died last year, my 4y/o daughter has hated being away from me. Her teacher draws this on both our hands when I drop her off at school and every time we press it, it sends a hug to the other. It helps her feel connected to me.

4yr ⋅

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It tasted so sweet.

3yr ⋅

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Remember that really stupid thing you did this time 6 years ago? This owl remebers it too and is still judging you about it. You fool.

2yr ⋅

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Is The Bullshit Drawer just a UK thing or a worldwide phenomenon?

4yr ⋅

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It's not much but it's mine and I love it.

1yr ⋅

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For u/errjelly, thanks for sharing your mewler with the world.

4yr ⋅

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Apparently Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III is going back to ancient Egypt to be worshipped accordingly.

2yr ⋅

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Wanted my nose doing for years but felt like it was wasting money on myself. My fiancee finally convinced me and I'm so happy with it. Does it suit me? Done at Voodoo Tattoo Studio in Boston Lincs.

2yr ⋅

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This was supposed to be an anarchy pizza, especially for this sub but it doesn't look great. First world because it's a sourdough stone baked.

1yr ⋅

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Heather Mills McCatney doing an ever so slightly racist impression of Mickey Rooney in Breakfast At Tiffany's.

3yr ⋅

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What have we become?

9mo ⋅

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I'm sorry madam, I'm going as fast as I can but this is a new system and I am a dog

6yr ⋅

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So much going on here with Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III. stuffoncats, blackcats, stealthbombers, airplaneears and disneyeyes. Did I miss anything?

4yr ⋅

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Feic

3yr ⋅

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The loooooong floofbelly of Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III. Touch at your peril!

5yr ⋅

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Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III is not happy with me clearing my throat.

4yr ⋅

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Even the prison uniform is Adidas and the prisoners are cruelly prevented from squatting fully.

6yr ⋅

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Just put up 135 photos of my beautiful late wife, ready for her funeral tomorrow, guests will be invited to take one when they leave. I dearly hope I can keep it together enough to make her proud.

5yr ⋅

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This artist who created the pinkest pink on YouTube, also created the shittiest haircut.

1yr ⋅

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Balls on a girl cat? I blame Tumblr.

6yr ⋅

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Check out Jeffery's Grabbies.

5yr ⋅

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Just found my favourite old t-shirt with the most understated quote ever.

7yr ⋅

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Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III used to be a little asshole, now she's bigger but still an asshole.

5yr ⋅

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Just found my favourite old t-shirt with the most understated quote ever.

7yr ⋅

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Sacrifice to Create [analogue] by me.

7mo ⋅

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I'm concerned for OP's kitty.

4yr ⋅

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Holy Moly, you need to try these! I consider myself somewhat of a crisp connoisseur and my pickle is well and truly tickled with these bad boys. Anybody else tried them?

1yr ⋅

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Shitty can still be cool but I'm torn on this. The gear stick is a katana handle lol.

1yr ⋅

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The perfect circle doesn't exi..... (feat: Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III)

6yr ⋅

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A lonely snowyboi in Lincolnshire UK.

3yr ⋅

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Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!

5yr ⋅

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[Homemade] Lamb Ragu (sort of) in the slow cooker.

5yr ⋅

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Fred and Rose with all the family (before they killed them of course).

6yr ⋅

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Not only does this dashcam fit all cars but also, it fits all cars! Amazing.

5yr ⋅

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You can't argue with the truth.

6yr ⋅

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Are Blackbeans allowed? Note the overgrown inter-bean fluffage.

6yr ⋅

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Just wanted to share the little collection on top of my Cabinet of Curiosities. Zoom for details.

1yr ⋅

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Since everyone (1 person) has asked, I'd like to introduce you to Eli The Eel Guy, who I picked up yesterday. As you can see, he's already staked his claim on the slate cave.

5yr ⋅

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Looks like the CHONKER is upping his game.

4yr ⋅

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That right there is most assuredly not a rat.

5yr ⋅

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Bought this tank for £100, stripped it out, resealed it, built the stand and filtration system and made the background and all of the hardscape apart from the large rock in the middle which is real. Never thought I'd be able to own a large tank, let alone do it all myself. I'm happy with the result.

5yr ⋅

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I have certainly taken more technically competent pictures of Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III, but none that so accurately capture her true personality.

6yr ⋅

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I scored seventeen damnation points, how about you?

6yr ⋅

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I added a little something to the kitchen whiteboard at work...

4yr ⋅

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Forbidden ciabatta

4yr ⋅

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That's not the effect of the flash, the water really is that black and there are larger fish than this in there. I've reported it to the RSPCA months ago and nothing happened. What should I do?

6yr ⋅

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2meirl4meirl

4yr ⋅

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I made this (not the seayal, just the powem)

5yr ⋅

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Seeing Jeremy Wade stood in fishing in chest-deep water just inches from a drop-off made me ingest my testicles.

6yr ⋅

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Good morning Reddit, may I introduce you to Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III.

6yr ⋅

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See you poor saps later. Lady luck has blessed me with a bag of meat of unknown origin! I don't know if it's human, animal, infected or poisoned but the one thing I do know is that I'm cruising down easy street now.

6yr ⋅

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Baby Eagle Owl doin an observe. 10/10 would boop.

5yr ⋅

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My daughter specifically asked for an ice cream unicorn utilising only cornflakes and I think it's fair to say that I aced it.

6yr ⋅

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As requested by u/morbidhyena, here's a recent picture of Charlie my Giant African Slowboi, having a monch.

6yr ⋅

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Shhhh, he thinks he's invisible!

5yr ⋅

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A prize of nothing if you can guess where I'm stood taking this.

1yr ⋅

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This is Brian. Brian say's hi.

5yr ⋅

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Saw this and thought of you fuckers. Go fuck your mother.

6yr ⋅

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Finally finished my stand today. Now to build the sump and all the plumbing. What could possibly go wrong?!?

5yr ⋅

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I'm a little worried that she likes her new tasche a bit TOO much....

7yr ⋅

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I need an old priest and a young priest.

6yr ⋅

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Witness the single teefy of Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III. It is the last thing many spiders see.

5yr ⋅

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Was getting abuse on the train so immediately hypnotised the culprit so he would try to jump out of the window.

7yr ⋅

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Ian looks like he's about to begin his key-note speech.

6yr ⋅

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Spotted this magnificent dome on GP's Behind Closed Doors.

6yr ⋅

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This neckbeard from a YouTube cringe compilation. Drawing pins for scale and general badassery.

7yr ⋅

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My cat won't cat.

6yr ⋅

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The Media appearance he's referring to is that he was in our local paper, claiming that he's seen over 300 ghosts and was punched by a poltergeist lol. Nice lad, just deluded, bless him.

7yr ⋅

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My noodlicious noodle boy has almost doubled in size in the last month. His name is Eli The Eel Guy.

5yr ⋅

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Found this Russ Meyers reference in Postman Pat The Movie of all places. N.B. I know the screen is filthy, I have a 2yo.

6yr ⋅

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He's so tough, even his playlist strikes fear into the heart of the chav (even though he weighs about the same as a large housecat).

6yr ⋅

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I have been advised that you may appreciate this. On the left is my 100% cat, Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III, on the right is my 75% lady, Heather Mills-mcCatney (you may notice a distinct lack of a left arm).

6yr ⋅

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Here's Gary. Gary hopes you are having a nice weekend.

5yr ⋅

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Guess my hometown. It's been the fattest town, murder capital and had the highest proportion of leave voters. Looks nice today though.

5yr ⋅

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Here is Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III, sporting her new collar. She hates the fact that the bell has stopped her from stalking her older sister.

6yr ⋅

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This has to be a repost but I couldn't find it so...

6yr ⋅

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Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III got teefies all day and all night long.

7yr ⋅

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One of us always lies, the other loaf only speaks the truth. To gain entry into the Magical Arch of Social Decay, you must tell us which is which. You have only one question traveller.

6yr ⋅

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This smug little fucknugget.

6yr ⋅

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All the Bloodworm fans in the house tonight, raise your hands!

6yr ⋅

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Admired them from afar for a long time, now I have my first three! Not sure of their names so I called them Leafie, Senor Smaller and Velvetboi. Do they all require the same care?

6yr ⋅

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Always store your yoghurt on the windowsill. Sunshine brings out the flavour.

7yr ⋅

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I have a two year old who believes in monsters so my wife made this and it works like a dream.

7yr ⋅

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This little dude is in the waiting room at my dentist. Am I right in thinking that he's an Apistogramma? Maybe a Blue Steel?

6yr ⋅

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Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, CatTrap!

5yr ⋅

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My local area's version of Deadpool.

7yr ⋅

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I'm pretty sure that you need more than 1 design for it to be classed as assorted.

6yr ⋅

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This sums up exactly how I feel.

5yr ⋅

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Meirl

6yr ⋅

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Alan, my Green Sevrum is starting to get thicc. (Sorry for the dirty glass, my offspring won't keep her mits off it)

6yr ⋅

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No wonder he's so coy if you keep calling him names.

6yr ⋅

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The lads are out in force round at my old man's house, just chillin, catching some rays, eating some sticks.

6yr ⋅

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to spice up his sex life.

6yr ⋅

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Anybody have much experience with these year-long Ammonia and PH monitors? Only got them today so they haven't acclimated yet but I very much like the idea.

6yr ⋅

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Warning! MTS is a very real and present danger. Lots of plans, just awaiting the funds...

6yr ⋅

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Got my first lot of baby Pinnochio Shrimp through! Some more baby Cherries too so it's like a shrimpy preschool in there.

7yr ⋅

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My Grandfather, Donald, looking super-cool with his Triumph Spitfire. Early 1940's

7yr ⋅

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I simply refuse to shop elsewhere.

6yr ⋅

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Really excited to be introducing these boys to their new home!

7yr ⋅

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Not sure if this breaks the rules as it's literally riveting.

6yr ⋅

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Living a shitty life, destined for an even shitter one. Hate this, how is it still allowed here in the UK?

5yr ⋅

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I literally could believe my eyes when I found this Frosted Flake which looks almost similar to fifteen minutes on an old clock not a digital one.

6yr ⋅

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Nice double rainbow from down my end last night.

7yr ⋅

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May I introduce my good friend, Ken. (First person to guess why I called him that wins an enormous [deleted])

6yr ⋅

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The colour and pattern on my sofa looks VERY similar to the colour and pattern on my other sofa. Bought them as a pair hopefully I won't wake up in the morning.

6yr ⋅

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It's what he would have wanted... I think.

5yr ⋅

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This is the first time I've managed to get some relatively clear shots of my little friends.

7yr ⋅

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I have been advised that you may appreciate this. On the left is my 100% cat, Ebony Funkheart Needlefeet III, on the right is my 75% lady, Heather Mills-mcCatney (you may notice a distinct lack of a left arm).

6yr ⋅

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The moment this vape learned that vaping contests are a thing.

6yr ⋅

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Word of the day #2. You're welcome.

6yr ⋅

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I thought that I was sooo cool in my vintage 70's shirts but the material just made me sweat, didn't help being a chubbster either.

6yr ⋅

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All these pallets of stuff are left out overnight, every night. Why would they do that and how has it not all been stolen?

6yr ⋅

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Do your Nerites even lift bro? (See if you can spot the Otto and baby Assassin Snail)

6yr ⋅

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This pretentious fucking melt who makes a mean potato salad.

6yr ⋅

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Cat.

6yr ⋅

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What the heck did this bench do?

7yr ⋅

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It will probably be rubbish but it's nice to see anyway.

5yr ⋅

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[I ate] Eton Mess Cheesecake.

7yr ⋅

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