Thanks, I hate newborn babies

5yr ⋅ ⋅

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Another day, another Jimmy Fallon tweet challenge

5yr ⋅

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Fixed it

4yr ⋅

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Even your phone wants you to read another book

4yr ⋅

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Thanks, I hate Smurf reproduction

4yr ⋅

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Please roast this chicken

2yr ⋅

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Literotica is just something else

3yr ⋅

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I see your 5000 hours and I raise you...

2yr ⋅

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My Sim got invited to a party where 14 people froze to death

4yr ⋅

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To decorate for Christmas

5yr ⋅

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Jasmine is my little study buddy

5yr ⋅

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Thanks, I hate all you assholes who didn't show up for this cat's birthday

4yr ⋅

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Thought I'd have a whirlwind life of being a gold digger so I married an 80 year old when I was 18. This is the year I died at 84:

6yr ⋅

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Flew too close to the sun on this one, boys

5yr ⋅

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Behr sisters makeover

5yr ⋅

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Y'all hiring?

6yr ⋅

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What's in your hand, Mom? Is it food?

5yr ⋅

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What

6yr ⋅

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InstCoffee: We've added a new driving event

6yr ⋅

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A lot of people tweeted these totally believable stories to Jimmy Fallon

6yr ⋅

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Nunu awaits belly scratches (and a summer haircut)

5yr ⋅

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17 daughters, 27 sons and NOT ONE GRANDCHILD

6yr ⋅

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Love exploiting my kid's sexuality for celebrity retweets

5yr ⋅

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More things tweeted to Jimmy Fallon (with the name crossed out now so the mods don't delete my post)

6yr ⋅

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