“Are you crazy pushing me in the pool?I have forty hits of ecstacy in my pocket! Buckle up, kids”5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“What, no way! Wait, why is this wrong? Next to 'Miranda Rights,' I wrote, 'Miranda has the right to a decent man who will help her raise her baby.' Are these questions not about Sex and the City?“5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“So hopefully you’ll pick up this voicemail before you eat a hotdog, and if not, if you’re listening to this from heaven, I love you Kiddo. Well, I warned Toshi.”3yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“I hate you. I say that not out of anger but simply as a fact. It’s 67 degrees outside, and I hate you.”5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“Also, Father of the year here. That’s how I wish I lost my virginity. Not to some coked up airhead.”4yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“Last summer, my uncle hit a deer and this guy made his car as good as new. It was a hooker. My uncle told me to say it was a deer. But she was okay. She died.”5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“Well, it began like that, and then middle, middle, middle and then I sold her to a drug dealer. The end.“5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“My mother stole my boyfriend!” “Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other. Wait a minute. Daddy didn't think that through.”5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
Can we show Love and Appreciation for Baltimore Ravens legend and future Hall of Famer. Ozzie Newsome.5yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/ravens
Thing is, I’m not sure it was entirely his fault. I may have deserved it. In fact, I may have instigated it. Actually, Francine, I seduced him. I don't know why I wanted him, but I wanted him.4yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
“You fucking fuckers are gonna do what I say! Or I will put my god damn foot so far up your asshole you will regret the day you crawled out of your mothers twat!”4yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/americandad
Never thought I’d see the moment where Davis isn’t top 3 in strikeouts on the team6yr ⋅ ravens2131 ⋅ r/orioles
