Please, just a hint.
We could only be so lucky
This is really kind of sad.
Take that, virus engineers!
Today had a really bad start thanks to this guy.
My grandpa is remarrying and his new wife has six daughters. They will become my dad's stepsisters.
Could I interest you in a pint of bacon?
The masters of needlessly-strict rules
A friend complained that people tell her she istoo cute/feminine to write historical warfare novels. Then someone commented just that.
There's a huge downside of playing Santa for my workplace party.
An attempt to graph and group episodes by their deviation from the world today.
I am currently studying memes academically. I thought you might enjoy the current proposed ages of internet memes
My landlord was very proud of how safe and secure the property was. There's cameras and signs all over the property.
Every time I reset my phone, it's the same thing
Can we just agree it's the same meme?
Shared around my office today.
When you don't know if you have sufficient funds, and the card reader doesn't either
TIL that Caucasians were first bred by Ancient Africans, and are not 100% genetically human.
This just happened to my friend who is middle-eastern. The boss shuffled off, embarrassed, without another word.
It's like /r/mildlyinfuriated in meme form: Moderately Miffed Kitty
Roses are red, I'm out with the boys
Mother returns to the beach 18 years later with her children
As an independent student putting himself through college, I wish I could just wake up and have it be a dream.
it's a livin
Feeling homesick...so I decided to make some Baltimore Pit Beef. 2 hours in the oven later... [1440x1072] [OC]
Graphing the episodes by deviation from today, revised
Working on Friday be like
Not as satisfying as I thought it would be
I was really looking forward to getting all my bills paid off, too.
If you use Google Maps to look at Windsor Castle, the Street View person-icon turns into the Queen
When someone invites me to Gold Star Chili
The weather outside is frightful, but inside the heater is on full blast.
My recent boosts have been very successful! Lots of matches. Great job, Tinder.
I thought there were sensors or something.
I had coffee for breakfast today.
After hearing that this was our last day at WDW, the wonderful princesses at the Princess Storybook Dinner gave my lovely wife and I something special. Tears were shed and hugs were shared.
My hands were briefly chilly. Day: RUINED.
This is the first summer I've had in a while where I'm making decent money
Drunk man on the tracks gets hit by train [NSFW]
Any minute now.
Being from Baltimore, I approve of the Pit Beef recipe.
So after seeing this most recent episode I had a need. A need for Gumbo.
My fortune cookie had an advertisement in it.
Being from Baltimore, I greatly appreciated the Wire episode. I make my Pit Beef almost exactly the same.
It's here! It's here! /r/freemasonry pins!
Time Magazine responds to criticism of its controversial Man of the Year choice
This hurts so much, but I'll keep smiling because you're my friend and I don't want you to be sad.
I took my company cubicle-decorating contest a little too seriously.
Apparently they weren't prepared for the 100+ new people they hired yesterday.
Two weeks ago I cleanly sliced off the tip of my finger with a mandoline. Today, you can see each layer of skin healing separately.
Fuck self-service checkouts, fuck grocery store cashiers, fuck my life.
The only silver lining of an accident
At Test Track today. I designed the least-efficient car possible.
In case you want a footstool that sheds... (x-post /r/atbge)
LPT: Sometimes, randomly, the Cyber Police will recruit you by hacking your internet browser. Be ready.
Inspirational children's story
Extremely STRONG Vietnam soldier gets double upgraded to first class after enduring abuse
Two weeks of distressing, sun bleaching, and apocalypse-ifying, my gear bag for Dystopia RIsing is ready
TIL that torture of a fellow human being is legal if the person was hurting an animal first
ClICk tO StArT tHe SlIdEsHoW
When you realize your boyfriend stole your best hoodie
I am a terrible person
[MMM] Unfortunately, these same Masons never updated them once they figured it out
Those split-second moments in the movie that make the best reaction images
My friend has solved the mystery.
I am so sorry. I'm so very sorry.
Today was my co-worker's birthday and he brought in a round cake to share with the office. This was the state of that cake an hour later
I'm at GenCon and someone's made these delicious-looking not-cookies.
Zootopia Night Terrors (4/7) by Rick Griffin
Adventure Goals [1080x1349] Photographer: Leo Thomas
Every Valentine's day I've either been single, or with a girl who doesn't celebrate it. This year, for the first time...
I do not have robinhood gold and do not have in options. What gives?
And afterward I got a lecture about how low carb lifestyles are unhealthy
[OC]Tonight's dinner: Pan-seared salmon with lemon butter sauce and oven-crisp skin.[4032x3024]
When you know your friends are into the movie, but they on the downlow
Sad Tomato Comics
[OC] My AC broke at 1pm on Thursday. it was not fixed until today at 4pm.
The bonus star programs have really been adding up!
Not sure if my GF is trying to deter me from cheating, or trying to develop a dentistry fetish
Her profile asked for my best pickup line.
The number one way to make me hate you before I even talk to a real person.
I've never thrown away pizza before.
It came from the depths
Woke up the other morning to this, courtesy of my girlfriend.
Even being self aware couldn't save him.
We could only be so lucky (x-post /r/witcher)
Truly this is the pinnacle of meme achievement
9mm versus ballistic gel
Several days without being able to take money out. Wtf coinbase.
I started playing online chess with my gf...
Ex-marine bags groceries and fights wealthy, entitled America; Manager shows up and says nothing
Error when trying to claim referral stock
These two stacks of paper and this binder clip
I finally have a teacher who gets it.
Of the ones he wears in the film, which Hawaiian shirt looks best on Nick? I like this blue and black one.
Another Zoodystopia script grab (from the Documentary)
Throwback Thursday to another morally-grey scientist played by Jeffrey Wright
[Homemade] Shrimp gumbo (x-post /r/bingingwithbabish)
NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW
I started getting into investing recently
Man on One Meal a Day Keto Diet Discovers This Hot Trick To Get A Free Sandwich
Homemade chicken tacos with smoked cheddar cheese [OC] [960x960]
If only some of my friends and family on facebook understood this...
in serv͞͡ice to the p̎͆ͮ́eople
Fighting to the death with a tiger! [x-post /r/gaming]
Yes, it's bright yellow, but the ability to thwart crappy parking is something I just love.
This stop light tells you your maximum wait time.
If it's not authentic, why even bother?
After 4 years of buying groceries off the state's dime, I finally make enough money to be ineligible for food stamps. I just spent the last of it and I feel amazing.
The epitome of political discourse on facebook
He then got mad when I threw it away!
Brave anarch vampire won't tolerate overbearing Camarilla scum!!
Cincinnati underground power and communications lines (Explanation in comments) [OC]
Don't be a dick when you go to see Deadpool; the distributor is on your side.
This line follows a perfect pattern...almost.
Oh boy! Wait till I tell Wife what I told Children to do!
After my nephew asked if he could have some of my trail mix.
I don't know why he hiked his legs up, though
I tried to take the CD out of a coworker's computer at work when...
I printed the last label on a sheet and it fit perfectly.
This Quote-a-day Calendar misquotes a line from Harry Potter
There's always that one video suggestion out of FUCKING NOWHERE
I'm really raw today, but at least I'm clean
I'm not Jewish,I just have no one to spend Christmas with.
Jewverine, Wolverine's sexier cousin
Bonus points for fat-shaming
POV - Motocryclist rear-ends a station wagon at almost 100mph