Saturday night left a fucking disaster behind.
Being married means having someone to annoy the piss out of on a daily basis. This is me every time the Mr. is standing at the bathroom mirror.
HIF about myself as I'm making a grocery list in Excel, then cutting and pasting the items in the order they're stocked in the store.
So my 9 year old was asking me questions about presidential candidates and how the whole process works. MRW she ends the conversation with I think Castle should run for president. He'd be good at it.
The Mr. and I getting down and rowdy on a Friday evening.
I really wish I worked side by side with the husband, just so I could randomly do this to him.
MRW the crotch of my jeans rubs the snatch just right.
The husband needs to clear his schedule tomorrow evening. I've planned a wild night; shit's about to go down.
MRW I fantasize about storing my husband under my desk at work for the sole purpose of eating the snatch all day.
I have a feeling if my mom could interweb a little better, she'd be on here chatting with us about shits and giggles.
HIF leaving work today knowing my only plans for tomorrow are: beer, pizza, annoying the piss out of my husband and fondling his cock.
HIFW I go out in public knowing my undies can be seen by strangers through my leggings.
So there IS a chance I'll be hot as shit one day.
A fairly accurate depiction of me most Saturday and Sunday mornings.
M(Husband's)RW I stick my finger in his asscrack any chance I get.
MRW the husband suggests sexy time.
Guys, I present: the perfect engagement ring.
MRW the downvote brigade is plowing through my TrollX history.
This pretty much sums it up.
M(internal)RW I spot the exact location of my husband's dick in his pants in public.
HIFW I tell him something not-quite-right is going on in the crotchal region, but within an hour he's going downtown, leaving me with a dazzling orgasm. He ain't afraid of no funk.
MRW I just read an article on what product individuals are stocking up on most in each state, and mine happens to be batteries.
M(& my husband's)RW we get paid today, Christmas bonuses included.
HIF I look when going down.
MRW the goods hurt from (apparently) rough coitus this weekend, but we go ahead and push through another round.
MRW the lady at the local butcher shop says, this one is about the size of Dolly's implants and you men like 'em big to the gentleman ordering chicken breasts.
We'll take oral, please!
HIF at any and all social gatherings.
MR as 31 year old adult who just wants to drink beer and eat pizza. Zero fucks given.
I can relate to Sandra.
MRW I'm walking back to my desk from a break in the pisser and see a camera from the local news channel in our lobby. Nope.
I'm sick. MRW my husband went in for a morning wam-bam and I had a violent coughing attack while his dick was in me.
MRW we decide to start eating healthier, yet I'm cramming Andy Capp Hot Fries down my throat at 9:00 a.m.
MRW my boss wants to chat endlessly today and I'm really not in the mood for human interaction.
MRW I walk into a meeting and see that my boss has a toilet seat cover hanging out of the back of her pants. Ha.
So this happened this weekend - Reloading Fail
MRW I'm off work for a day and upon return notice a coworker fucked with the supplies on my desk.
M(& my husband's)R to finding a 6-pack of really good beer in the frig that neither of us remember purchasing while day-drinking this past weekend. Score!
MRW my husband tells me the full coverage tank top I have on at work in not acceptable and he's disappointed...
MRW I give my husband just enough hints on his Christmas gifts to drive him batshit crazy.
First go at 9mm's by myself.
HIF when the husband takes my items while shopping and insists on paying for them.
MRW a co-worker tells customers that we bill in the rear, instead of in arrears.
50 Rounds with my Kimber Custom Target
MRW (x10) this morning when I was running super late to work. I completely lost my shit.
Ladies, what IS this?!
My feelings towards Target's website. Piece of shit.
MRW the new acne treatment I was elated to try has made my skin so oily I could thoroughly grease a cookie sheet with my fucking face.
Finally found the perfect Christmas gift for the Mr!
Lover boy and I thought allowing the kids to have a sleepover this past weekend was an okay idea. We were wrong. My advice to TrollX parents considering the same.
The love of my life. (Aside from my husband, of course.)
MRW folks take comments so damn seriously.
MR after my husband shoved me out of bed this morning.
MRW a customer just said, thank you and happy holidays to me. Happy.....President's Day, I guess?
In a 3 week window I've managed to: get into a car accident on the highway, fall down the stairs at home, and fall off the top of the dryer naked. M(husband's)RW...
MRW I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror only to be reminded that my face looks like a fucking pizza.
HIF eating my peanut butter toast after a disgusting bout of the stomach flu. It's so fucking good.
I know it's ridiculous, but my husband and I are having a link karma war. MRW I stumble across a post on TrollX, notice his name, then the 250+ upvotes he received for it. He's gone too fucking far, ladies.
HIF about the rapidly approaching holiday season.
MRW I receive an online shipping confirmation. Christmas in October!
So I've heard the term fan girls used a lot lately, but really had no clue as to what it meant. Just saw said fangirling in action online. MRW...
MRW my husband informs me that he walked around for hours this past weekend with shit caked to his ass and underwear.
Is it terrible that I've taught my 9 year old daughter to do this to hateful bitches (and dicks) at school?
Cheap nail polish + boredom at work = one tacky chick.
MRW nearly everything I post gets downvoted since I mentioned in a thread that I dislike Mrs. Obama. Coincidence? Perhaps.
MRW cold weather strikes and my hands turn into a bloody mess. I feel so feminine.
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