A little courtesy goes a long way...especially on the road
God I'm old
I was in a meeting
I miss 90s rap
Tis the season to drive like an asshat
Thick morning fog, shitty visibility, and...
After a 4 hour drive listening to 90s rap
He waved and took off
A little discipline goes a long way
All of my friends are out enjoying the nice weather and I'm just sitting here with my box of Kleenex like
Dear breakfast food companies,
Simple yet effective
I begged my mom and dad for that hat to “complete my look”
Must have one upper and one lower case letter, no spaces, two numbers, no consecutive letters, and at least one special character....
When I’m scrolling through posts and accidentally swipe
This was 90/91 and I had begged my parents for this hat to “complete my look”
Social media July 5th
Damn whippersnappers running the networks
Me with the pressure washer
Once in a lifetime achievement
It’s the little things that count while aging
Me after two days at the gym
Guess I’ll just listen to whatever crap is on the radio
To my 8 year old
My hand has been tingling since I woke up this morning
Y-O-U apostrophe R-E means you are. Y-O-U-R means your!
Stepping up because Trump is a racist motherfucker
I hope the neighbors did see
Cops being bros
It’s the most wonderful time of the year 🎶
The satisfaction of no more scan is palpable
There isn’t a one-pill-fits-all solution for depression
🐱 I should go outside 🐱
To be fair it’s only day 2
Took all day but now I can enjoy my wine
A continuous loop of hell
Whelp, guess I wasn’t that hungry anyway
All my family is wondering why I’m dragging my feet trying to get published
It’s ok to refer to someone as just a good friend
Me and my new laminating sheets...
It feels so wholesome
All this clicking back and forth between programs is exhausting
My neighborhood after Irma
Lawn guy fertilized with manure in 100 degrees
None of them went off
It'll be a win/win for all
My experience using charcoal teeth whitener
The girls need freedom
Something something drug overdose...
Ultra soft and strong 4 rolls in 1!!
How could I have neglected to add Blind Melon to my playlist?
That’ll show the little asshole
I mean if you’re gonna be a dumbass might as well go all the way
God bless all those nooks and crannies
Backache after cleaning my house all day
It’s the little things, like...
Weeks after Irma and still a whole lotta chopped up tree trunks lying around...
When I have the opportunity to sleep in but can’t sleep
The treadmill really kicked my ass
When mosquitos swarm after applying bug spray
Overhearing my 9 year old’s slumber party...
Jim always asks the right questions
To make a nice dinner
Brutality at its best
It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to
Got those forks boxed up, boss.
You never think it will happen to you...
Just discovered I have access to most US and EU channels and now my eyes are bleeding
Fried chicken piri piri on a bathroom tile
I just want to feel good 😫
If only everyone had 20/40 vision
Trying to enjoy a relaxing day by the pool
And it felt pretty flippin good
How is this even constitutional?!?!
Chili, smoked chipotle seasoned fish tacos with red cabbage & jalapeño slaw, pico de gallo, avocado, sour cream and chipotle crema.
Whelp, time to find a new gym...
Is this normal?
I poured refrigerated wine and broth into a 400 degree Pyrex and it exploded
It’s not crabs!
It’s like a back scratch for your soul
Waking up after hosting a friends and family BBQ
Sir Mix-a-lot show next weekend?
Just don’t forget which hand is wet
Both sides to blame, sympathy for neo-nazis, sad to see confederate monuments go...
The way these bagels were cut
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
Another in Barcelona
How this broken shell looks like a skull
When the last piece of leftover Halloween candy gets eaten at the office
Just found these in my yard. What could they be? More details in comments?
All this just to feel ok
When you put your yoga pants on inside-out and don’t notice for an hour...
About the Ashley Madison hack
Who’s with me?
Don’t mind if I do.
My first world problem today...
Oddly satisfying yet mildly infuriating.
How is this still even working??