My daughter decided to try to replicate her mom's high school prom photo. I think she did a great job, and I look forward to everyone's tasteful comments.

1yr ⋅ ⋅

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Your sinful actions come at a cost. Approximately 100 gold

3yr ⋅

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Well it was about that time that I noticed that my second heir was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.

3yr ⋅

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Come the fuck back, Samurai. We have a city to siege.

3yr ⋅

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In Smile (2022), as Rose arrives home, right before receiving a phone call from her therapist, there's a story hint for the audience in her mail

1yr ⋅

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There are plenty of shanties about rounding Cape Horn, and there any about going around Cape of Good Hope? Because they'd be quite topical now.

3yr ⋅

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oof owwy my nuanced human mannerisms

3yr ⋅

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oof owwy my nuanced human mannerisms

3yr ⋅

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From Reflections on Paul Being Kind of a Stupid Dick by Prince Irulan.

3yr ⋅

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To be fair, Ancient Egyptians Really, Really Loved Cats

5yr ⋅

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In my defense, if Paradox didn't want me to abuse it they shouldn't have made it slap so hard

3yr ⋅

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Money buys time. Because money buys helicopters.

3yr ⋅

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The Lord of the Kings mod really spiced up our relationship with Crusader Kings 3

3yr ⋅

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I decided that my graduation was the best time to let my husband know I was done with his shit and getting a divorce

3yr ⋅

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Wait, is that Philly off the top rope?!

3yr ⋅

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I told my 10 year old son that if he got all As on his report card for summer school I'd get him a Switch. He didn't, of course, since he had to go to summer school in the first place. But I'd already had a Switch in the family budget, so guess who gets to goof off during work?

3yr ⋅

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The rumor is that there's actually only one HRE, and it just gets regifted over and over again as fast as people can get rid of it

3yr ⋅

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My grandma got into a knife fight at the local bar. She won, but had to spend some time recouping afterwards. I asked if she had a message for the other guy's family, and this was it.

3yr ⋅

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Heretics and Chapterhouse can get pretty damn weird at times, but Darwi Odrade is worth it.

2yr ⋅

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A raid from the hard Korea AI is a .... memorable experience

4yr ⋅

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My teen son has been talking about his struggle all the time for some reason, and then I found this in his room next to a worn out box of kleenexes. I'm getting worried

2yr ⋅

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My girlfriend gave me this box as a present, wrapped in the black paper. It is not hands that summon us ...

10yr ⋅

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I went for a walk in the park today, and this woman kept bending over and peering over while saying take a look at this beautiful pussy. I think she might've been on something?

2yr ⋅

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STROKE MAN

1yr ⋅

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My son has been an extremely picky eater his entire life. Today we went to a restaurant, and for the first time he cleaned his plate! Well, close enough at least

3yr ⋅

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I saw this woman walking around city hall without a mask on, when Philly has a strict masking policy. Here I am asking to see her hand so I can cuff her for a citizen's arrest

3yr ⋅

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My sister's phone battery is shot and she refuses to replace it, so she's constantly sending selfies like this. Frankly it's a little embarrassing.

3yr ⋅

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I've been fretting about it for years, but I finally did it. I painted my apartment! I don't care what that dick landlord says, he can take his lime green paint and shove it.

3yr ⋅

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I woke up from surgery today high as a kite on pain killers, and my family handed me a Charmander and told me I was Ash Ketchum and that I needed to hitch hike to the next gym. I spent like an hour mumbling about having to catch em' all.

5yr ⋅

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Now I'm a broken man on a Caladan pier. The last of Gurney's privateers

2yr ⋅

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I'm a 1st year art student trying to ace my class on hyper-realistic painting. Take a look at my first piece. BTW, the girl is part of the painting too.

4yr ⋅

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Catholicism vs the religion your Vassals said not to worry about

3yr ⋅

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Matt is on both locks, but with different partners.

9mo ⋅

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My girlfriend has two different color eyes: purple and green. Unfortunately she's very shy about it

3yr ⋅

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Today my wife, my son, my mother, my dog, and even my Tesla Sedan left me, but though I'm now stranded in my hilltop house in the middle of nowhere, I have a great view, and my goatee is on point. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

4yr ⋅

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There were two “Reigns of Terror,” if we would but remember it and consider it - Mark Twain [2000x1500]

1yr ⋅

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After the accident the doctor said I'd never be able to have a kid. Well fuck you buddy, I did it! Here I am with a picture of her. I'd show the kid, but she's at her dad's this weekend.

3yr ⋅

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My entire life my mother wouldn't let me get glasses for my poor eye sight, saying I just wasn't trying to see hard enough. After decades of saving up, I was finally able to move out and see! Everything is so sharp!

4yr ⋅

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Sustainable coal and core farming is highly lucrative, but feels quite mean

3yr ⋅

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Pro-tip: if you shit your pants in the ocean, it's much easier to clean up!

4yr ⋅

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[xpost /r/MorbidReality] Set of screwdrivers found in Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment, 1991. You probably don't want to know what they were used for.

4yr ⋅

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We've been trying to convince my great grandmother it's time to move into a nursing home, but my extended family have been trying to ignore the signs. This morning she took the newspaper, covered it with shaving cream, and gave me this. Something has to give.

4yr ⋅

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My friend's girlfriend cheated on him and then dumped him. In response he ran off with her cat and sent me a selfie. He's headed to Mexico, since they don't do extradition for cat napping.

5yr ⋅

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If you post to the main sub, be sure your post involves KNIFE MAN or THE CREATURE or something else 2 Sentence 2 Horror, because if your horror is subtle it'll be removed.

1yr ⋅

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The AI empire collapse chaos always hurts to watch

3yr ⋅

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School bully finds out the fat ugly duckling is now a beautiful woman, asks her to leave her family and come back and be with him. She tells him off in the perfect way. She then drops her phone, to thunderous applause.

10yr ⋅

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Nothing in the last 5 years has made sense, this might as well be the thing that ends Capitalism. #gamestonk

3yr ⋅

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My ten year old's been reading weird stuff on the internet late at night, and I came home to find this tucked underneath my bed. Is he trying to cast a curse on me? Am I in danger?

4yr ⋅

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Like Duct Tape and WD-40, if one or the other doesn't fix your problem, you're probably not using enough of it

3yr ⋅

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The other day I got piss drunk and punched a hole in the kitchen wall. I woke up to my husband patching it up for me. He's a real keeper <3

4yr ⋅

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Just go to the regular Setites. The Tlacique ones make it weird.

5yr ⋅

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Water solves all problems

8yr ⋅

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I accidentally took a whole sheet of Acid. Two days later, I found that I'd drawn this. The best I can normally do is stick figures. Guess it's time to buy more Acid!

4yr ⋅

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Damn, nothing worth reading

4yr ⋅

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I've never been a huge Dungeons and Dragons fan, but I was glad that Critical Role at least helped bring RPGs more mainstream. But now it'll just be D&D kinda forgot jokes for the rest of our lives. Awesome.

5yr ⋅

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I sold all of our furniture to buy a monstrous new Desktop PC to play Fallout 76 tonight! I can't wait til my wife comes home to see our new desktop.

5yr ⋅

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reddit just changes it randomly every few days and hopes I won't notice

5yr ⋅

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After 15 years, my friends molester finally went on trial and was convicted. This is my friend giving his victim impact testimony. This is what bravery looks like.

5yr ⋅

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Well, I figured out why you're supposed to call the doctor if it lasts more than 4 hours

9yr ⋅

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My cousin was booked as the opening act for an R Kelly concert, but after he was arrested, she got to be the main act!

5yr ⋅

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I'm one of the last residents of my part of Detroit -- the police have pretty much abandoned us, and the area is essentially lawless. Today I came home from work and this man informed me this was his home now. My only hope is to catch him with his guard down. Wish me luck, reddit.

5yr ⋅

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We did it reddit! After several years of trying, I finally got my Residence Visa to live in Luxembourg. Have fun with that politics shit show, America, I'm out!

5yr ⋅

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I know it's probably not to be, but I know who I want for VP pick. Hello Somebody!

4yr ⋅

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I really have no idea what Duke Leto's end game looked like

4yr ⋅

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My brother has a degenerative disorder that's made him start to believe he's a facehugger from Half Life. To make him feel better I pretend to hide so he has the opportunity to find and attack me.

5yr ⋅

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LPT: If you're disallowed from voting in your state due to a previous felony (such as aggravated child abuse), you can likely still get an I voted sticker just for showing up!

5yr ⋅

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A few months ago my brother and his wife passed away, and we adopted their son. We keep him in a cupboard under the stairs, but he really enjoys it when I take him out on a leash to peek through the window for a few minutes.

6yr ⋅

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Say goodbye to the United States of America THE CORPORATION

3yr ⋅

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I got stoned for the first time in a while last night, and apparently I just stood there holding a cat and laughing my ass off for 2 hours

6yr ⋅

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My dad disappeared in Alaska 20 years ago. A few months ago some hikers found his car and body in the thawing tundra; he apparently was killed in a horrible walrus accident. As consolation, they sent me what was supposed to be my birthday present all those years ago.

6yr ⋅

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reddit, today I was chosen to be the first test subject for the new Oculus Reality, which directly manipulates your brain waves to put you in a virtual world! If you don't hear from me in 2 hours, it's probably because I'm stuck in a desolate hellscape fighting the device's creator for freedom.

6yr ⋅

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Guys, I found a keeper

11yr ⋅

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My wife of 20 years left me this morning for a literal bumble bee. It's time to spend the rest of my life as a sad bachelor, but it's not worth doing if you're not going to do it right.

5yr ⋅

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Girl playing a guitar

5yr ⋅

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After a five year struggle with her horse tranquilizer addiction, my Aunt is finally clean, and she's getting married tomorrow. Her friends planned her bachelorette at a brewery, and ... unfortunately did not consider the irony of their choice. But at least she's happy!

5yr ⋅

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Protip: When taking edibles, make sure you know how much THC is in it. I ate the red part of these two pieces, then went to the bathroom, and on my way back I realized I'd left The Office running on my TV and sat there watching it for 3 days. I'm afraid to eat the green parts.

5yr ⋅

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When the Nazis blitzed through Europe, they stole many priceless art pieces for their own collections. Most of them were recovered later, but my grandmother is very proud of this one that her father smuggled out of Europe when he escaped to Argentina

6yr ⋅

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reddit, I've quit my job and sold my house, car, and dog, and I've moved into this apartment by the bay. This year, I'm finishing my novel.

5yr ⋅

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My dad loved watching tv all day and all night after going on disability. We lost him last weekend and now I must return these mementos of him. Now he can binge watch for eternity with no fees.

6yr ⋅

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My folks told me I was irresponsible since I have no job and spent my college fund on weed & Phish concerts. I decided to prove them wrong by adopting this little girl! I just need my parents to buzz me in to our gated community. It's been a few hours, but they're probably just busy. Any minute now.

6yr ⋅

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Woman in hospital bed

8yr ⋅

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The Sanitarium I administer is running out of space, so we've started taking older patients that were sentenced as criminally insane, giving them makeovers, declaring them cured, and sending them on their way. I think this one will do fine.

6yr ⋅

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reddit, look who I got a picture with on my vacation. I ... think he's famous? He said he was a rapper but I'm not that familiar with rap. Said he was a huge hit on Soundcloud or something.

5yr ⋅

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I failed out of college, so I ended up signing up at a community college in this weird town in the desert I'd never heard of before. There's lights in the sky over Arby's, dragons, and a masked army, but finding out our school president is just a smooth river rock was too much. Now how do I leave?

5yr ⋅

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Stained Glass Window

5yr ⋅

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Made a laptop desk for my bicycle out of $15 worth of stuff from Home Depot.

13yr ⋅

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My wife moved across the country with another man, and out of spite I've been dodging her serving me divorce papers for around 3 months now. Today a sweet old lady knocked on my door asking if I could help her with groceries. She finally got me.

6yr ⋅

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This is the last photo I have of my brother before the accident. A terrible childhood ailment left him with the inability to look directly forward, which in retrospect should've probably disqualified him from getting a driver's license.

5yr ⋅

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Guy in hospital bed giving a thumbs up

6yr ⋅

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My friend had to first successful full body transplant the yesterday. This was his reaction when I asked him how many bodies he's had so far.

6yr ⋅

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My grandfather never figured out that the point of kissing was not to swallow your partner's lips, but my grandmother has never given up on him.

6yr ⋅

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Our family uses these reusable gift bags in place of wrapping paper to be less wasteful.

5yr ⋅

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My local dive bar has Last Call at 3AM, and like clockwork all the guys go to the mens' room, see it's full, and go outside to pee in the parking lot. We took a vote with the regulars and the ladies were happy to cede their bathroom for 15 minutes to not have to wade through piss on the way out.

6yr ⋅

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In a ground-breaking experiment, John Hopkins University Hospital transplanted a bonobo's brain into a homeless person, to see if they would be able to successfully use complex tools with an opposable thumb. After it woke up, researched asked the bonobo to give a thumbs up. He got it, mostly.

6yr ⋅

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I caught Joe Biden trying to pick up this homeless man, and ran up to take a shot to sell to the tabloids. But it turns out Joe and the dude were cool with it and aren't ashamed of their sexuality, so I guess I'll just post it on reddit instead.

6yr ⋅

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Today has been one of the hardest days of my life. Goodnight Woofleupagus. I'll miss your cold nose kisses.

6yr ⋅

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Every woman in my family has a hereditary disorder that eventually makes them go blind, and I only have 3 months left before I've lost my sight completely. I'm going to make them count.

5yr ⋅

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LPT: If you travel a lot, make a quick bit of money by buying cigarettes in states with low taxes and selling them to your friends back home. Here's my latest haul from Virginia.

7yr ⋅

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Call Ducal Conquest again, I don't give a fuck

3yr ⋅

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Guy on the plane had never seen apple earbuds before, and was so impressed that he traded my $20 earbuds for his Bose Noise Canceling Headset. You can see him showing off his deal behind me.

6yr ⋅

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My wife gave me a bag full of mixed candy to give to Trick or Treaters, and because of my OCD I had to sit there for 4 hours sorting it all into neat piles. Please help me. My family refuses to accept my illness and help me get treatment.

7yr ⋅

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After 15 years living in the US, going to college, and getting a top engineering job at Google, today I was officially deported back to Singapore. It kind of sucks, but along with my official deportation certificate, they gave me a mini Statue of Liberty and an American flag, which is nice I guess.

6yr ⋅

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Guy

10yr ⋅

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Guy holding box of oranges

6yr ⋅

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Building under construction

10yr ⋅

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Two pictures of woman's face in profile

6yr ⋅

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After months of being unable to find a job, I'm now heading off to try my new career as a snowman. My hope is that I can live off the carrots kids try to put on my nose.

6yr ⋅

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Whenever I get sick, my dad buys me a bunch of oranges to eat to try to make me feel better. It sounds cute, doesn't it? That's probably because no one's tried to make you eat 20 oranges in a 2 hour period.

6yr ⋅

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I was pretty sad that my little brother's dying in the hospital, so my boyfriend took me out for an ice cream sundae to cheer me up! He's the best <3

6yr ⋅

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Woman holding Christmas wreath

6yr ⋅

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Half the time I go back and unmatch them. I know I'm not the only one

10yr ⋅

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Invalid Email Address

9yr ⋅

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I tweeted at @Nokia asking them about getting a Nokia 6.1 4gb in the US. They just liked the tweet and didn't respond. Cheeky, Nokia!

6yr ⋅

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Children's photoshoot

7yr ⋅

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reddit, my boyfriend has a fast food problem. Every day he insists on having fast food for lunch and it's slowly killing him. Our cat always looks so sad when he does it, because he doesn't want to lose his dad to heart disease.

6yr ⋅

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Two guys

6yr ⋅

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They said I wouldn't be able to crochet anymore after my hands were amputated and replaced with metal hooks. This year I proved them wrong.

5yr ⋅

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My fraternal twin sister keeps arguing that she's prettier than me, so I made this side by side comparison of our faces, to help her figure out that no, actually, her nose is hideous. She got the hint.

6yr ⋅

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Found this cute little armchair on the side of the road. There was a big sign that said BEWARE! and another that said INFESTED!, but it just looks infested with comfiness to me!

6yr ⋅

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On a joke FB video about how buying trendier clothes will make a girl want to Netflix and Chill, one Gentlesir explains how to *really* convince them.

6yr ⋅

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I've always suspected that construction workers close lanes during rush hour just to troll us. Now I have proof

12yr ⋅

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My dog constantly follows me around trying to lick my crotch, and only calms down if I put Star Wars on. I have to get work done around the house this weekend, so hopefully this keeps him busy for a while.

7yr ⋅

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Jelly Baby?

12yr ⋅

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And if you try to leave there's an AoO

12yr ⋅

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30 years ago OP took a picture of his desk with a note dated in 2017, knowing that in the future he could bamboozle viewers for ARPANET points!

7yr ⋅

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I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story... Sylvia Plath [784x5032] [OS:zenpencils]

11yr ⋅

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After a Brutal Double Homicide at my School, the Superintendent Decided We Were Better Off just Walling Off the Room and Forgetting about it

7yr ⋅

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I took over a meetup.com RPG group, and I'm slowly trying to introduce them to games that aren't DnD. I'm all ready for tonight's entry: Don't Rest Your Head

12yr ⋅

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This is Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli. After the lip syncing scandal, he turned his life around and got into politics. This is him after getting elected to State Senate

6yr ⋅

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Baby Guild Navigators

8yr ⋅

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reddit, my wife won everything in the divorce, and this truck just showed up to take all my possessions. Well, I'm not going down without a fight.

6yr ⋅

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I just bought a prescription drug company and raised their life saving AIDS drug cost by 3000%! I got this nifty tattoo to celebrate.

7yr ⋅

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The last picture of my daughter and her friend before they were kidnapped and sold into slavery in Eastern Europe. I tried to warn their kidnapppers I have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. A now I'm coming for them.

6yr ⋅

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MRW I walk into a room and think I see my friend spontaneously creating labyrinths and he admits it's real and I'm not going crazy

6yr ⋅

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Made a laptop desk for my treadmill out of $15 worth of stuff from Home Depot.

13yr ⋅

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Two Dogs

6yr ⋅

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It didn't help that she didn't get the reference [SAP]

12yr ⋅

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A colorized picture of my grandmother, who after 5 years in a Soviet prison escaped and was granted asylum in America

6yr ⋅

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We rolled into a VtM LARP game as Anarchs. It's not easy being this cool.

12yr ⋅

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A frog broke into my house and ate my fucking cat! Fluffles! Why did you have to go this way?

7yr ⋅

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Does choosing a Linux Distro Make you Grumpy?

8yr ⋅

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Philly people took a 3 hour drive to Virginia to go to Steak n' Shake, and met up with DC redditors. It went OK (well, better than OK!)

13yr ⋅

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