I souped it up with some alien tech. And by alien I mean Detroit. Let’s turn this country around. Let’s make things again!2yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
That’s a trick I learned to quiet newborns when I worked at the maternity ward.5yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
Ethics he wants to talk about! Jewish history is a history of unethical conduct. First the Pharisees killed Jesus Christ, the only true Son of God! .... And who shot Gianni Versace? Was it a Jew? I dunno it was in Miami!5yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
Ah ChinaTown. Where you could tell me it was JapanTown or KoreaTown and I would smile and nod7yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
G-G-God rest ye merry gentleman I'm going to blow your mind eh eh eh eh oh oh oh oh eeee eeee eeee eeee ahh ahh ahh ahh Ping ping bong bong ping ping bong bong6yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
He's not going to call. He thinks you could lost ten pounds. But that's not why he doesn't call, he dies in that fire. So you didn't need to tell me about the ten pounds ... Somebody needed to tell you7yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
“I see you over there on the internet. Comparing all the girls who are killin’ it.” - Taylor Swift can see the future and the past and is a stan of RPDR queens. I cracked the code5yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/rupaulsdragrace
But here in the bosom of our upper middle class... bosom.,. Ah the ... the ahh ... the bosom?7yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
I'd let that him spread his seed on me. If he pulled my weed I'd show him some miracle grow. Is that a Venus flytrap? Because my next pun depends on it. It's Anus Guy Flap!6yr ⋅ jms275 ⋅ r/americandad
