Why is Damien Darkblood wearing a skintight unitard in the cartoon? It seems off theme and is not a great choice for his physique.

6mo ⋅ ⋅

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I caught a wild mouse in my kitchen awhile back and kept him in a hamster cage with some pet store mice. He seems to have acclimated.

10mo ⋅

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This is what 4.5 lbs of PEZ looks like. And it's not for anything. It's just for me to snack on.

1yr ⋅

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Ate a pan fried steak, and had a bunch of delicious buttery meat goo left over. I didn't want to waste it, so I made rice.

3yr ⋅

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This is my new bunny. She does not like me very much. She does not understand that we are best friends now.

1yr ⋅

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Only too late did Jennifer realize that she had been tricked with a decoy child and had not actually been given custody.

1yr ⋅

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After unexpectedly becoming single again in her 40s, Kathy was very worried about becoming the stereotypical spinster cat lady. But after getting one, she understood the appeal. Cats were way better than men.

2yr ⋅

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Everyone always talks about mortally wounded Space Marines getting turned into Dreadnoughts. But no one mentions how paraplegics have to be tank gunners.

1yr ⋅

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Sarah got custody of the kids. Sarah should not have gotten custody of the kids.

2yr ⋅

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Just keep throwing peeps in the Well of Eternity until one comes back out.

9mo ⋅

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This dog is missing a significant amount of dog.

1yr ⋅

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The semi edible strawberry candies that came in holiday gift sets.

6yr ⋅

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Noodly neck

4yr ⋅

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Now that child support enforcement had brought the hammer down on his deadbeat dad, Little Billy could finally get those special shoes he needed. But no money could take away the pain of knowing he was unloved.

1yr ⋅

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I tried Popcorners because of that commercial. They're ok. Basically crunchy puffcorn.

1yr ⋅

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Jeb had no idea what this ad was for. If he had to guess, probably a cult or a pyramid scheme given how weird it was. But he didn't have a lot of stuff going on ever since Paula and the kids moved out, so why not give it a go?

1yr ⋅

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I'm sick of you criticising me, Martha! I'm not getting rid of the cape! I'm getting rid of you!

3yr ⋅

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Linda wasn't sure how you were supposed to divorce someone who was in a coma, so she just wrote divorce on her husband's forehead.

1yr ⋅

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I've been doing a lot of thinking since you left me. Also, a lot of cocaine. And I've come up with 647 reasons you should take me back.

1yr ⋅

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We're not married anymore. You do not get to have an opinion on how I dress. Now find your seat and be quiet or leave. You are ruining our son's funeral.

1yr ⋅

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Im sorry Aaron, but I can't be with you anymore. God knows I love you, but the though that we could have an accident and I could be forced to be pregnant against my will is too horrifying.

2yr ⋅

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Me on February 1st when I accept that I will never see a new episode again.

4yr ⋅

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Ever just feel like cooking and eating an onion?

2mo ⋅

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It's not that you broke into that chocolate factory, stole that experimental chewing gum, and turned yourself into a blueberry that's making me divorce you. It's that you lied to me about it.

1yr ⋅

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This trail mix I bought is 50% M&Ms. The other 50% is also M&Ms.

4yr ⋅

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The Murphy bed in Kyle's new apartment at the single's complex was exceptionally uncomfortable. He wanted his old life back.

2yr ⋅

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I'm doing a difficult playthrough of KOTOR 2, but I'm not this tough.

2yr ⋅

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You can have the house, as long as I get the pony. We don't have a pony. NOT LETTING ME GET A PONY IS ONE OF THE MANY REASONS THIS MARRIAGE DIDN'T WORK!

1yr ⋅

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Diane finally walked out on Randy. But she soon realized she had nowhere to go.

3yr ⋅

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Just watched Amelia. And I have a newfound empathy for Princess Little Piddles. Wayne is psychologically taxing to interact with and generally just awful.

11mo ⋅

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After things didn't work out as a Sith Lord, Kyle decided to try his hand at being a divorce lawyer. The required skills were basically the same: Getting people to give in to their fear and anger and letting the hate flow through them.

2yr ⋅

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When his ex showed up to pick up their son, breast meat spilling out of a tube top, Dean tried to hide his arousal. He failed.

2yr ⋅

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The most powerful divorced birds are able to fly using only the power of their many frustrations and regrets.

2yr ⋅

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Oh, so you're a 'wildlife photographer'? What kind of wildlife photographer takes pictures of chickens?! You think you're the first private eye my ex husband has sent to spy on me? You tell him to back off or I will get his parole officer involved!

2yr ⋅

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But puffins mate for life! cried Roy, as Cindy packed her things. Apparently Cindy had never read any books about puffins.

2yr ⋅

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Grace regretted suggesting they bring another woman into the bedroom to spice things up. It quickly devolved into Matt having a sanctioned affair while she watched. Though, despite it signalling the beginning of the end of their marriage, Grace couldn't deny it was pretty hot.

1yr ⋅

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To hell with what that ass Richard said. There was nothing trashy about wearing a tiara in public. Penny was a princess and from now on she would only be spending time with men who understood that. Or ladies. As long as Penny was the only one in a tiara.

1yr ⋅

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Hank, I want a divorce. I've wanted one for awhile, but for alimony reasons, I was hoping you would ask for it after you noticed I've been putting sawdust in your pancakes every morning. But no matter how much I put in, you don't notice. The pancakes are probably half sawdust at this point.

1yr ⋅

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Kelly was so grateful that her coworker, Ben, was letting her stay in his guest house during the divorce. She never could have afforded to leave, otherwise. She didn't understand how he could be so generous... But then she found the camera in the bathroom.

2yr ⋅

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Has the warpstone kicked in yet? ... Yes yes.

8mo ⋅

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During the trial, Judge Harris had tore into the defendant for stating he was sueing his wife for divorce because she, gave him an ugly baby. That being said, it was definitely the ugliest baby Harris had ever seen.

2yr ⋅

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The American Howling Retriever is a breed of dog with extremely coyote like features. In fact, the only difference between it and a common coyote is my refusal to ever admit I've made a mistake and all the benadryl I keep giving it so it won't maul me.

4yr ⋅

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Jimothy was thrilled that his parents came to visit him together in the hospital. They hadn't so much as talked on the phone since they separated. Unfortunately, as he would soon learn, they were only willing to put aside their differences because of his grim diagnosis.

1yr ⋅

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Tina was beginning to suspect that Dan had started leaving his LSD gummies unlabeled in the candy bowl again. She was going to need to have a very serious talk with him about her expectations of him as a partner. Right as soon as she got back from Narnia.

1yr ⋅

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Ouroboros floof

5yr ⋅

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Getting into a fistfight with that Turkish ice cream guy was the biggest mistake of my life. When I'm released in 18 months, I'm going to be a changed man who doesn't do dumb stuff like that. Until then, you'll wait for me, right? No. No I will not. I'm actually already seeing someone else.

1yr ⋅

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Neither one blamed the other. The accident was no one's fault. But since they lost their son, they can't bring themselves to so much as look each other in the eye.

2yr ⋅

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The Juggalo festival wasn't taking Hunter's mind off of the breakup as much as he'd hoped. Maybe he'd feel better after another Faygo...

2yr ⋅

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Amy got his motorcycle, as the loan was in her name, but at least Dave got to keep the helmet.

2yr ⋅

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TIL that NASA has recently concluded a 50 year study of bringing mice into space that has confirmed their long held theory that it is fun to bring mice into space.

1yr ⋅

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Harriet bought a computer like her children told her too, but she couldn't seem to find the New Husband button. Let alone the New Husband who is Faithful and Sober button.

1yr ⋅

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A lot of R34 art died during episode 7. But so much more will be made because of it.

2mo ⋅

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Some of you guys are cool. Don't go to Malachor V tomorrow.

2yr ⋅

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Who are you?! CPS?! He called CPS on me?! There's been a huge misunderstanding! You can't take my babies!

2yr ⋅

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Geckos will commonly prey on house cats. Due to the size difference, they have never been observed actually killing a cat, but it is not for a lack of effort.

1yr ⋅

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(WfM) 38 Single herpes positive woman seeking single herpes positive man for LTR. Must be drug free and ok with kids and 3rd shift schedules

1yr ⋅

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This is the existential crisis bird. It is ok to pet the existential crisis bird. It will just lie there, staring into space, wondering why it should care.

3yr ⋅

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Even after it had cost him his wife and kids, Lenny just didn't have the willpower to stop smoking PCP. There is no punchline to this, just grim tragedy.

3yr ⋅

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There are many healthy ways to deal with the emotional lows that accompany a messy divorce. In lieu of doing any of them, Kevin has decided to instead go to Africa and shoot a bunch of lions. Their manes remind him of his ex's hair. And the tiny bird sized gun does not allow for quick, clean kills.

1yr ⋅

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Dad, why do you have to leave? Well Fred Jr, because it turns out I've been sterile ever since I got measles when I was about your age. Also, your name is just Fred now.

1yr ⋅

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Betty and Kathy both knew that their husband was the same guy who had two separate families he thought didn't know about each other. But they stick around because he gives nice gifts.

1yr ⋅

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Kathryn knew that hooking up with a 19 year old who used to have a crush on her back when she was his high school English teacher was not a healthy way to deal with feeling unwanted after her husband left her. But that was a problem for tomorrow Kathryn.

1yr ⋅

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Ken had been miserable since Ann left. He couldn't eat, or sleep, or enjoy his hobbies, or talk clearly or feel the right side of his body or make toast without burning it anymore.

1yr ⋅

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As a former Green Beret, Pierce was an expert at camouflage. Allowing him to covertly stalk his ex wife by disappearing into the vegetation around him.

2yr ⋅

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Carol wasn't super keen on dating a guy who fetishized her size. But after the living nightmare her marriage was, she liked the idea of a guy who was too small to physically abuse her.

2yr ⋅

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In an attempt to show the commercial potential of genetic engineering research, scientists in the late 2000s created a species of pet and sniff chinchillas. They were a complete commercial failure due to the high cost and because the only flavor they made was black licorice.

3yr ⋅

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Do not boop the forbidden chicken. It is basically a modern velociraptor.

2yr ⋅

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Ricky's life had been in a free fall ever since he got out of prison. But once he got his dope operation up and running again and was making money, Lucy would take him back for sure.

3yr ⋅

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Sharon, please come outside. I'm not here to hurt you. Quite the opposite, I don't want you inside when I torch the place. If that judge says I can't live in my own house, then nobody will.

2yr ⋅

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Imagine you live in South America where potoos are common and you walk into your kitchen one morning and there is this weird ass little muppet bird sitting on yesterday's paper blankly staring at you with giant yellow eyeballs that aren't focused the same.

1yr ⋅

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Trying to look on the bright side of being single again, Harold decided to finally see what it was like to go to a strip club. It was much more surprising than he had ever expected. He knew he was going to see naked women, but he never expected to see his ex wife naked again.

4yr ⋅

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In 2018, a species of mouse was discovered that can shoot laser beams from their noses. Biologists have called this discovery, cool as shit.

3yr ⋅

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Bob, I'm pregnant. And if you don't tell your wife about us, I will! My wife can't find out about us! She'd kill me! And how can you be pregnant?! We only did anal! We're birds, you idiot! It's the same hole!

2yr ⋅

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My thoughts on episode 6:

8mo ⋅

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Sweater Cow

4yr ⋅

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Why are you kissing my forehead, Stan? It's the Kiss of Divorce. Like the Kiss of Death the mafia does, but for divorce. That's not how that works, Stan. You need to hire a lawyer. That sounds expensive. It is Stan. That's why I haven't done it yet.

1yr ⋅

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This is Bill. Bill is divorced. You may not think he is because there is another bird next to him. But he doesn't know that bird. They just happen to be standing next to each other. That bird is unrelated to this post.

2yr ⋅

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Chihuahuas are such malformed abominations of dogs that their proportions and features will cause pigeons to see them as baby birds.

1yr ⋅

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This is the snoozleberry hound. A breed of dog that has been bred to be so specialized at sniffing out snoozleberries that their brain has almost no other functionality. This ability rarely is needed as snoozleberries don't exist so they spend most of their time just sitting there looking derpy.

1yr ⋅

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She gave up everything for her job in order to give her family everything they could want. And because of that the judge gave her kids to her slacker ex husband ? Life didn't make sense to her anymore. Every day on the way to work she thinks a little bit longer about just driving into a wall...

1yr ⋅

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This is the gaslighting cat. You have forgotten to feed the gaslighting cat.

3yr ⋅

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Close to 20 years later and this game is still one of the best written games I've ever played.

2yr ⋅

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Divorced, but too poor to actually separate, Dan and Becky decided to rent out a bedroom to pay off the mortgage faster. Living with the two of them was a bit awkward for their tenant.

1yr ⋅

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Please don't leave, Susie. What I lack in life ambitions I make up for in eyeball volume!

2yr ⋅

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Long after they separated, Barb and Jim still fought often. Their biggest quarrel was over which one of them got to have sex with Randy. But eventually, they realized they could get back together and both have sex with Randy.

1yr ⋅

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Hey Kathy, it's Ben. I know Saturday is usually the night I leave you threatening voicemails, but I have a destination wedding to go to this weekend and will be very busy, so I'm doing it tonight. Anyhoo, I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET LEAVING ME BITCH! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

1yr ⋅

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This is the garbage kitty. It is unsafe to pet the garbage kitty. But do it anyway. It is a magical experience.

2yr ⋅

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This is the census hound. A highly aggressive super-predator bred by the US Census Bureau to track down crazy libertarians living in the woods off the grid so they can be counted.

1yr ⋅

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The average rural North American household has 1.72 dogs. While most have a round number of dogs, this is what .72 dogs looks like.

1yr ⋅

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Why do Bullgryn have Jerry cans?

1yr ⋅

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This is the MK Ultra cat. Do not take pills given to you by the MK Ultra cat.

4yr ⋅

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I made a Zoophobia meme. Fight me.

3mo ⋅

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The future is now.

3mo ⋅

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I was given a stern warning not to touch fluffy tail. I did anyway, though.

1mo ⋅

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This is the sexy lizard. Do not pet the sexy lizard. Things will escalate quickly from there.

2yr ⋅

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You are a bad partner who treats me like your mother. I'm leaving you. Actually no, you can't. No fault divorce is no longer legal in this state. What? That can't be true. It is. Women's rights are going backwards. Soon you won't be allowed to work while on your period or ride a bicycle.

1yr ⋅

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This is the sourpuss. Do not taste the sourpuss. In addition to them being quite tart, you will look weird licking a cat. People will talk, and you will stop getting invited to things.

3yr ⋅

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This is the fiberglass insulation cat. Do not pet the fiberglass insulation cat. If you must, use proper PPE.

2yr ⋅

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With his wife no longer around to talk sense into him, Jeffery could finally move forward with his plan to gentrify the neighborhood.

1yr ⋅

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After the divorce, Janice was scared she would get desperate for money and get sucked into a pyramid scheme. Luckily, she found a niche growing psilocybin and selling it to squirrels down at the junior college, which was slightly better.

5yr ⋅

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It was already dead, yet HBO managed to kill it.

1yr ⋅

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Long thought to be a Native American myth until the 1970s, the Ghost Rat is a species of ground squirrel that is completely invisible due to the way its hair reflects light, much like the titular character in the film, Predator. The one pictured is broken.

3yr ⋅

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Divorced Birds contest. Caption this image. At approximately 4:00PM EDT, the best one will get a gold.

2yr ⋅

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I've been throwing out a lot of food recently and it has caused a bit of a problem with the local raccoon. Does anyone know any tips or tricks for injecting insulin into a raccoon with type 2 diabetes?

3yr ⋅

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Donna was devastated that she didn't get custody of her kids. But she decided to be positive and try to make do with the new children she got from the park on the way home.

6mo ⋅

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Discovered in 1997, the WhopperTMwill was the first, and currently only, animal to have been named by a private corporation that purchased the rights to do so.

3yr ⋅

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Common housecats are sometimes over clocked by their owners. They have been known to sleep over 30 hours a day.

4yr ⋅

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Do you think Ramiel had a boner during this scene?

1yr ⋅

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This is the gubernatorial rat. Named by a scientist who had no idea what gubernatorial meant but thought it was fun to say. He was not allowed to name any more animals after that.

1yr ⋅

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This is the puddle tiger. It seems like that puddle is too small to conceal a tiger, and that is exactly how they catch their prey. Trust me, he's in there.

2yr ⋅

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All the smoothies in Rudy's smoothie place are regular sized.

11mo ⋅

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I assembled my Cadian command squad medic smoking a cigar. It's funny because he's a medic doing something unhealthy. I have achieved comedy.

1yr ⋅

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This is the West African miniature rhinoceros. It turned out the one they found when they named them was a baby.

1yr ⋅

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I have broken my marriage vows and forsaken my chastity! Put your sin in me! Eliza's first date post divorce was admittedly a little shaky. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to talk to non Mormon men.

4mo ⋅

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With the pandemic causing there to be very little garbage to eat, pigeons are depressed and at an all time low for mental health. This has caused them to be the first species to be declared, extinct on the inside.

3yr ⋅

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If obsessively focusing on bodybuilding in order to avoid dealing with his feelings about his divorce was so unhealthy, like everyone kept saying, then why did Teddy look so great?

2yr ⋅

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The Bambino breed is a munchkin cat that is also hairless. It was bred by a man who just really, really hated cats.

3yr ⋅

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If you want an extra adorable bunny, then make them a dragon bunny! ... ... ... I expect I will be murdered in my sleep tonight.

3wk ⋅

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This is the Bingle-Blaster cat. Do not let your guard down around the Bingle-Blaster cat, or he will blast your bingles. Whatever you may think that entails, trust me, it's worse.

2yr ⋅

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Laura was confident that th custody hearing was going to go well for her today. But just in case it didn't and she needed an out, she had eaten the perfect amount of gas station oysters so she could have violent diarrhea at a moment's notice.

1yr ⋅

⋅

I ordered this close to two years ago and it just arrived today. I had kind of just accepted I got burned.

3mo ⋅

⋅

So, what's everyone thinking about the new Munitorum Field Manual? Are Ratlings still worth taking at 250 per squad?

1yr ⋅

⋅

Did it work? Did this baby save our marriage? No. It definitely made things much worse. I will never forgive you for making me birth this screaming leech. Well, I'm not taking it. Let's just put a Free sign on it and put it by the mailbox.

1yr ⋅

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Certain breeds of hamsters can be used to read 3.5 inch floppy disks.

5yr ⋅

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Due to the unusually cramped nature of their skulls, flat faced cats can temporarily lose higher brain functions for a few minutes if they sneeze too hard, and sort of, derp out.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Dogs strictly adhere to a don't ask, don't tell policy regarding the possibility that a dog is actually a very large cat.

3yr ⋅

⋅

I was taught to never hit a lady. But you're no lady you lying bitch!

1yr ⋅

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This is the rare and beautiful ember fox. They are popular with tourists and have learned to tolerate posing for photos. But you can tell they don't like it.

4yr ⋅

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A 2017 study found that a typical New York City pigeon can contain as much as 8 grams of PCP.

3yr ⋅

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I'm calling it now. How Jake dies:

8mo ⋅

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After lying, gold digger, wife number 3, Tom was done with bird women. He was dating squirrels only from now on. Yes, they also only wanted him for his money, but they were direct about it. Tom could handle that.

2yr ⋅

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Someone, at some point, saw a pigeon and thought, I want that to be way curlier. Then bred this.

4yr ⋅

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TIL Sphinx cats were originally bred in the 1950s by the CIA so that they could release cats into their facilities for pest control without worrying about them carrying secret messages or recording devices.

3yr ⋅

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You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo! ―Tinny Tim

1yr ⋅

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Most doomsday projections show that the only mammal that will survive the apocalypse is the hamster. Not all of them. Just this one really angry one.

4yr ⋅

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My ex wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better. But her aim is getting better! BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

2yr ⋅

⋅

Ever since Darrell left last year, Margery had been sleeping with the landlord every month to pay the rent. She had the money. She just wanted to feel like someone still wanted her.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Raccoons have begun an ambitious project to create powered armor that will make them immune to attack and greatly increase their ability to acquire garbage. Progress has been very slow due to technological limitations.

3yr ⋅

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If thrown enough adorable birthday parties by humans, weasels are one of the few animals that can be taught that time is a slow march to death and that they will die someday.

4yr ⋅

⋅

Tigers should only be washed in cold water. Washing them in hot water will cause their colors to fade. Using Clorox: Tiger instead of bleach is also advised.

4yr ⋅

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DON'T LIE TO ME, HAROLD! I SAW YOUR PHONE MESSAGES! YOUR WHORE WANTS TO KNOW IF THAI IS OK FOR DINNER! IS IT, HAROLD?! IS IT?!

2yr ⋅

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