Trying to find the perfect sleeping spot.
Listen up, guys. The Springfield Police have told me that 91 % of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys.
I spent the next three years in a P.O.W. camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States but they just can't get the spices right.
Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he's drinking people's blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!
Moody Jacobs shows a giant bruise on the side and hip of his patient, Ann Hodges, after she was struck by a meteorite. She is the only confirmed person in history to have been hit by a meteorite. 1954 [720x990]
Curious baby elephant examining a bumper.
Betty Blythe in The Queen of Sheba, a 1921 silent film now considered lost. 1921 [1184x1500]
Hey buddy, heard you needed cheering up! Well, old Bender will make you laugh!
Son, when you participate in sporting events it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.
MRW my girlfriend is a squirter and I'm fingering her during her period.
And to think, Smithers, you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster. Nobody's going to pay a hundred-percent service charge.
Mobbning på hög nivå
A rather impersonal way of killing children, but Scooter couldn't complain about the casualty rate.
Look, fellas. The first snapdragon of the season!
Well, if it isn't my arch nemesis, Bart Simpson, and his sister Lisa, to whom I'm fairly indifferent.
Baby elephant in the snow.
I might go mad with fear out there, so Todd, I want you to shoot Daddy if he tries to get back in.
Who rigs every Oscar night?!
Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in the hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Well, I'm glad some people could resist the lures of the big game.
Of course we could make things more challenging Lisa, but then the stupider students would be in here complaining, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.
Running from a wave of cranberry juice
Don't touch anything? I'll touch whatever I feel like!
When you're watching Itchy and Scratchy with your kids.
Winston Churchill and Franklin D. Roosevelt fishing at Shangri-La, later renamed to Camp David. May 1943 [673x1023]
Roman cavalry mask, discovered on Gotland, Sweden. The eyes have been filled in after its initial construction. Late 2nd century. [2025x2834]
And this is the snack holder where I can put my beverage, or, if you will, cupcake.
Nobody ruins my family vacation but me! And maybe the boy!
Here's a tip. Put a pinch of sage in your boots and all day long, a spicy scent is your reward.
And to conclude this Halloween newscast on a scary note... Remember, the Presidential primaries are only a few months away.
Look at you, standing there on your hind legs, like a couple of Rory Calhouns.
- The Grapes of Wrath? I don't get it. - Here's the grapes, and here's the wrath!
You have robbed us of our dignity.
He shouldn't have deceived me, but I'm just so relieved Lenny's okay.
Okay, Apu. Stay awake and stay focused. Cotton Mather Z Z Z.
Uh, election in November. Election in November.
Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work, everybody wears white shirts. I’m not popular enough to be different.
MRW I get the exam and don't understand a single question.
When I first heard about the operation, I was against it. But then I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Bra placering av spelknappen SR...
Two men slaughters a cow in Johanneshov, Stockholm. 1912-1945 [1251x1280]
A PSA from the Count.
MRW it's friday and the clock turns 5 pm.
Babylonian clay tablet written in Akkadian, containing the oldest known cooking recipes. The tablet includes 25 recipes for stews, 21 meat stews and 4 vegetable stews. ca. 1750 BC. [1638x2458]
Boots worn by Gustav III of Sweden during his coronation. 1772 [3328x4992]
This one’s for you, Kaiser Bill. Special delivery from Uncle Sam and all the boys in D Company. Yeah, Johnny, Harris, Brooklyn Bob, and Reggie. Yeah, even Reggie. He ain’t so stuck up once you get to know him…
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
When you're singing in a barbershop quartet.
Pipe down, Sister! I gotta book a new act for tonight. Turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli.
Coronation dress of Sophia Magdalena of Denmark, worn during the coronation of her husband, Gustav III of Sweden. 1772 [1000x812]
Skeleton of soldier killed in the battle of Lützen, November 16, 1632, found in a mass grave. [850x637]
When you're gonna live up to your side of the agreement.
Mamluk axe, 15th-16th century. [669x998]
When Nelson slaps you.
I don't know. Fish sandwich. Are you sure?
Going in for a smooch.
When you gotta start havin' designated drivers.
Anatoly Golimbievsky, a heavily decorated veteran who lost both legs in WW2, is saluted by four young sailors on V-Day. Leningrad 1989 [1200x767]
My name is Cookie Monster, I'm a gluttonous idiot and I smell bad!
Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands, suggesting it's not just southpaws in this rampaging mob.
Coveralls that don't quite cover all.
When you eat paste.
Maybe because you are, as we say in Latin, a dorkus malorkus.
When you have to drink either Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Italian round shield, ca 1550-1600. [825x1000]
Superintendent! I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
Don't thank me, thank... the knife!
Brass knuckles carried by Abraham Lincoln's bodyguards during his train ride through Baltimore. 1861 [5397x3955]
Yeah right, buddy. Liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure.
When you discover your new extra head.
All hail king Elmo the Just, the first of his name!
Hello beautiful. No ring, I see. So you are only arranged to be married.
My New Year's resolution was to get in shape and eat healthier and now it's February-starterpack
When you just kinda trailed off.
Ástríðr had these stones raised in memory of Eysteinn, her husbandman, who attacked Jerusalem and met his end up in Greece. Runstone from Broby bro, 1020-1050. [810x1219]
Ernie gives Bert some last-minute tips for his court appearance.
North Haverbrook? Where have I heard that name before? Oh no, OH NO!
Soldiers of the 1st Russian army marching in Manchuria during the Russo-Japanese War. January 1905 [640x819]
Grover is not paid enough to handle that shit.
Ernie better watch out or he'll get pun-ched.
Dude, where's the rest of my car?
Germany is victorious on all fronts. The Eiffel Tower during the Nazi occupation, 1940. [1074x609]
Guys with shades, New York, 1970's [800x621]
Stern piece of HMS Royal Charles, captured 1667 by the dutch in the raid on the Medway. The stern is on display in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. [1600x1600]
Burgundian helmet belonging to Gustav Vasa, king of Sweden. 1540. [2480x2938]
The queue outside the Leicester Square Theatre in London for the 1977 premiere of Star Wars. [3000x1996]
Ernie's response was to insult Satan and call him a pussy-ass bitch.
Combination axe and pistol, taken as a war trophy by Sweden from Denmark. mid 17th century. [5506x2366]
We have orders not to fire on anybody but Greenpeace.
See that broad over there? A few roofies in her drink and she's all yours.
Marge, it happened again.
A prostitute leans playfully on a police car on 42nd Street Times Square, May 1980. [1024x692]
The Crosby Garrett Helmet, a roman cavalry helmet made of copper alloy, found 2010 near Crosby Garrett in Cumbria, England. late 2nd or early 3rd century AD. [2438x3200]
Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, homeworld of the pizza bagel.
Geez. How many gazebos do you shemales need?
Wheellock musket that belonged to Gustav II Adolf of Sweden, made in Amsterdam in 1596. [1000x341]
JFK & Jackie Kennedy at President’s surprise 46th birthday party, White House Mess, May 29, 1963. [1024x818]
Here's a phone. Call someone who cares!
Workers, please! There'll be time for the frozen pudding wagon later. You still owe me ten more Iroquois twists!
When Lisa is being annoying
The Kurkh Monolith of Shalmaneser III, king of Assyria. It describes his first six years of reign and mentions Ahab, king of Israel. It's also the oldest document to mention the arabs. 853 BC [822x1599]
Uniform worn by Major General Mansfield Lovell of the Confederate States Army. 1861-1865 [1036x2000]
Elmo want answers! Answers that confirms Elmo's theories!
When you realize that you're dancing with ice cream cones and lollipops.
Muammar Gaddafi with his daughter Aysha in his Bedouin tent, January 12, 1986. [770x1158]
Then I heard the sound that all arctic explorers dread - the pitiless bark of the sea lion. He'll be killed!
When you have become an American Citizen
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
Oh, I'm gonna lose my job just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified!
Duff Gardens! Home of the Whiplash! (To be completed in 1994.)
Oops, wrong target!
Drinking vessel in the shape of a fist, from the reign of Tudhaliya III, Hittite New Kingdom. 14th century BC. [648x752]
Grover has been sharpening his machete for months for this moment.
Well Homer, looks like we're boat buddies, huh? Want me to zinc your sniffer?
Zereh bagtar, Mughal mail and plate armor from Datia. Early 17th century. [459x768]
Nicolae and Elena Ceaușescu being executed by firing squad, 25 december 1989 [700x423]
Cuirass from parade armor belonging to Erik XIV of Sweden. 1562 [3630x4453]
At least the three people living in Wyoming died quickly.
Bart, this is your father! Do you know where the remote is? I looked all over the house.
I'm a well wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.
A capture worthy of a iron cross.
Golden signet ring found on the site of the battle of Towton (1461). [750x950]
A wrestling match performance in Sikeston, Missouri, May 1938. The bearded wrestler was known as Big Tom Towers. [1300x865]
No more pills or alcohol, no more pot or Demerol, no more stinking fun at all! I'm checking in.
When you're merely exchanging long protein strings.
The Snaptun Stone, a hearth stone depicting Loki. Made of soapstone and found in eastern Jylland, Denmark. ca 1000 CE [982x804]
Krogsta runestone. The runestone has two Elder Futhark inscriptions, one of them is uninterpretable while the other probably is the Proto-Norse word for stone. 6th century [779x1365]
Steam starter pack
I have nothing more to say to you, Marge. I'm drawing a line down the center of the house a la I Love Lucy. You stay on your side and I stay on my side.
Mrs. Krabappel, in figuring out my final grades I hope you'll note that all of my textbooks are being returned in excellent condition. In some cases, still in their original wrappings.
Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage arab. He bought me a Rolex and cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So when do we start filming?.
You know those radio ads where two people with annoying voices yammer back and forth? I invented those.
I've never seen a man so desperate to get out of five minutes of calisthenics.
Roman gold coins excavated in Pudukottai, southern India. One coin of Caligula (31-41 CE), and two coins of Nero (54-68). [1334x449]
Oscar Mathisen, Norwegian speed skater, posing with all his medals. 1914 [720x1323]
Yabba Dabba Doo! I like talking to you!
Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957 I remember it was. I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.
In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson's The Lottery has been checked out from the Springfield public library. Of course the book does not contain any hints on how to win the lottery. It is rather a chilling tale of conformity gone mad.
The best pie you have ever tasted, Mr Johnson. Wash it down with Arbor gold and savor every bite. I know I shall.
The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
I tell you, I won't live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins!
Must sign policy!
So long dental plan!
Wolfdog has a drinking problem.
My name is Homer, and I'm just here because the court made me come.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles' heel, if you will.
Those daffy laffy clowns