Come'on boys! Those white flags are no match for our muskets!
Since you attended public school, I'm going to assume you're already proficient with small arms, so... we'll start you off with something a little more advanced...
Son, if you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers...
They pay me $800 a week to tell a cat and mouse what to do...
Hey Bishop, do the thing with the downvote!
Will this horrible year never end?
What a beautiful sunset today
They respected me for saying it.
He came to life... good for him.
I said I don't want any damn vegetables!
Awwww yeah! You're my Chinese Lois...
Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please, do not panic. Resist the temptation to read, or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have lefts your genitals withered, and useless.
That's it Econo-Save... you just made the list!
...we've also arrested your old, balder, fatter son.
The Weather Service has upgraded the blizzard from 'Winter Wonderland' to a Class-3 Killstorm!
Give her what she really wants for Valentine's Day.
The Springfield police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents, are caused by you 6 guys...
Are we there yet? I'm thirsty.
You'd never get me into a ring. Boxing causes brain damage.
Don't ask me, I don't know anything! I am product of American education system!
Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?!
These gloves came free with my toilet brush!
Does that casual looking shuttle have a code clearance?
Me and Santa's Little Helper used to be a team, but he never wants to play anymore since his bitch moved in.
Home away from home for the next 3 days - Escalante, UT
Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it AGAINST the Harlem Globetrotters?!
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
Uh Dad, I don't think the dog can handle any more bacon...
We all knew from day one this communist mumbo-jumbo wouldn't fly...
Goodnight. Oh, and the president was arrested for murder - more on that tomorrow, or you can turn to another channel.
From now on... we're enemies!
Tell Chris to quit drawing pictures of me with a pigs body!
More testicles means MORE iron!
How positively delightful! It's as if someone stabbed Mr Bubbles!
Oh, a sarcasm detector, that's a REAL useful invention...
Good afternoon gentlemen, this is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72hrs to deliver the gold or YOU face the consequences...
Are you stupider than a monkey?
For the northeasterners, enjoy your Class-3 Killstorm
Go pennies! Help the puny children who need you.
Sure it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Well it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids...
The M320 - Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it!
All this drinking, violence, destruction of property... are these the things we think of, when we think of the Irish?
I found a DOLLAR while I was waiting for the bus!
And yet I can't register my truck because of an emissions test.
Well the real humans won't quite burn so fast in there...
I'd be SO proud if this were my kid. (x-post from /r/funny)
Sometimes it sounds like it's sneezing, or coughing, or talking softly.
WAIT A MINUTE! You didn't hear how World War Two ended....
Order! ORDER! Do you kids want to be like the real UN, or you just want to squabble and waste time?
That man ate all our shrimp, and two plastic lobsters!
If I hadn't already packed my letter opener I'd give you such a stabbing...
Hey if you guys are getting loaded off them fumes, I'm gonna have to charge ya.
It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling
We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks!...
This is your third strike! First ya torched that orphanage, then you blew up that bus full of nuns...
Howdy gangsters! I am average American Joe Salaryman waiter!
Here's a phone. Call somebody who cares.
Be careful out there when off-roading...
When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain getting damaged?
I don't want you driving through tunnels! You know what that symbolizes!
Our six-term Mayor. The illiterate tax-cheating wife-swapping pot-smoking SPENDocrat... Diamond Joe Quimby.
Homer, it's really coming down. Can you check on the boys?
Did you tell the mafia they can eliminate my competitors with savage beatings and attempted murder?
The lamp's running away...
It's that season again...
It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is DOOOMED!
Not bad for a high-sec mission reward :)