Anthony Sullivan beheads an infidel on live TV
Unbeknownst to them, they were only feeding Rex's powers.
Bottles: Now 150% more complicated
Well...the lights are out, and I have no idea how to make a salad.
Well, I've been shot. There goes my appetite.
Never bring a knife to a tire fight
I assumed the special effects for Ghostbusters 3 would be a little better...
I've been known to cook up a storm
Sign gets out of control, man is forced to intervene
It hurts when I squirt
...if your dream is to star in a shitty commercial...
Think fast, Jenkins!
My blind friend makes the best omelettes
Boy, I have really let myself go...
Señor Hardhat [xpost from r/OSHA]
We have ways of making you talk, Ms. Bond
Prince Fielder discovers a cool bat while beating up a dugout
Honey, did you leave the refrigerator force field on?
...and also....YOUR SOUL
Electronic thief, or gay admirer? You decide.
Getting real tired of your shit, Perfect Polly™
Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?
I guess this means no more re-runs of Americas Funniest Home Videos...
It's a grate day to be a baby
The recipe called for black pepper, all I had was black powder
When the local news channel did a story about my lab, and the cameraman asked me to Do science
You brought this on yourself, Mom. How hard is it to remember? FRESCA.
They warned me not to, but I just had to sneaker in there
Timmy sure does like his new markers, he's in his own little world every time he uses them!
Get a puppy, they said...
Dammit, toothpaste, don't you die on me! [Repost]
You win this round, potted plant
Perform emergency surgery from the comfort of your own home!
Fuck yo windshield
Sitting on the matrix relieves Trinity's depression
Burn fat. Get ripped. Get rid of your Britney Spears CDs!
Fuck this shit, I'll be a stripper
Dave always dreamed of one day being a powerlifter
Cooking is hard.
Why is the yard always so dusty?
I'll never figure out this side ponytail in time for 80's night!
It ain't easy being the mother of a Sith Lord
MOTHER OF GOD...it's back
Hearing a friend brag about her new engagement ring really put Beth in a foul mood.
Being rich is the worst!
I AM THE GENIE OF THE NAPKIN HOLDER, WHAT ARE YOUR OTHER TWO WISHES???
Clean-shaven pussy [SFW]
Wait a minute, I don't even have kids...
Mopping on meth - Not even once.
Fishing has never been easier!
Common occurrence in Russia
Booby traps in the saran wrap? Julie realized her former life as a secret agent had finally caught up with her...
Welp, back to the orphanage with you, little Susie...
Living with a poltergeist
It's easy to forget your protective equipment when you're tripping on acid
Sure, I'll hold the nail steady for ya!
Couch level: fucked
Shit in the sink, they said
u wot m8?
One sliced cinder block, coming right up
Dang it, Sink, what did I tell you about cooking spaghetti and not cleaning up after yourself?
Our horse came in last, boy. Looks like we'll be having ice cubes for dinner...
But Mom! All the other kids have elongated skulls!
Indiana Jones and the Scissor Lift of Doom
Introducing: Good Guy Jesus Meme
You win again, gravity...
Successful drone strike. One less damn commie to worry about!
Safety accident or cold-blooded murder? You be the judge.
And the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects goes to...
What happens at American Furniture Warehouse, stays at American Furniture Warehouse
The Tickler strikes again
Sloth Equality (my FB profile pic)
Invisible forcefield? He's good at this.
Oh look, a penny!
Another smoking ban? Thanks a lot.
Train - 1, Girlfriend's bra - 0
Fuck you I'm a rainbow
Thank you, Thank you. And now, for my next trick...
I never knew they filmed a 'Speed 3'...
Tonight, on EXTREME Wheel of Fortune®...
Put me in the garden...owl kill anyone who dares trespass...
Paper towels are hard
Burning yourself won't bring your parents back
I know it looks like something removed in an autopsy, but it was pretty tasty. I give you the red velvet funnel cake, with icing and powdered sugar. Mericuh! [OC] [2448x1836]
Zoinks Scoob...That's some good shit!
TIL in a 1980s Nike commercial, a Kenyan tribesman’s words were translated as “Feel the Bern”; however, American anthropologist Lee Cronk alerted Nike the Kenyan really said, “I don’t want Bernie. Give me big Applebees.” Nike responded saying “We thought nobody in America would know what he said.”
It's the only explanation... [SPOILER]
I'll be gentle.
Lets see what the kids have to say about me being banned from school property!
And that's how much will get you high! Who wants the first snort?
Only $1! I'll make that back at the strip club in no time!
The golf carts have become self aware!
Dammit! Who turned off the gravity?
Time to get rid of that pesky hangnail!
Come on, I'm not MADE out of money and upvotes...
I can't seem to flowers...
fuck the stairs
Frat Kangabro after having one too many natty lights
Too fucking stupid to open packaging without killing yourself? We have just the product for you!
The 'Soda Spirit' has returned to /r/wheredidthesodago!
This is my culture, not a costume. I am the strongest man...in the world!
How to cut blood oranges
Inside the mind of a sociopath
Stupid force field
Time to get fit...HOLY FUCK McDONALDS!
She should have known better than to eat Taco Bell right before the evening gown competition...
Get down from there, boob. You are not an armpit.
I wish I could bubble :'(
Leaving so soon?
I'm still waiting on the base to drop...
Blink and you're dead.
No service? Give me a break!
Shave over that pesky adam's apple like it wasn't even there.
Recent studies show that 90% of Asian women cry during interviews.
It ain't easy being a sith lord's dog
Let me flab you the song of my people
Man, let's face it...you have no idea what you're doing.
Our bowls are guaranteed to work near strong gravitational fields!
I feel so violated
Police: 9-year-old stabs parents to death, claims The cones told me to do it
Another one of Doc Brown's crazy inventions
A Night at the Roxberry
Knees weak, arms spaghetti
Who's gonna deliver our drinks now?
They see me mowin', they hatin'
Gunther's new baby
The place just ain't the same without the shakedoor... :(
On this date in 1955, Doc Brown produced his greatest invention. Here he is with it in 2015.
You win this round, Fire
Zero fucks given
Jenkins exited the office for the weekend, breathing in the crisp, fresh air. The weekend was upon him, and nothing could ruin his mood.
Office prank war gets out of hand...
MY GOD...IT'S AMAZING!
Lady, calm down. It's a purse, it doesn't know any better.
His welding career never really took off. He didn't work too well under pressure...
Go Go Gadget finger!