My neighbors always have a lot of traffic at their house
When a girl asks me to draw a picture for her
What I've been asking my kids this morning...
Every time I trust auto-correct
Fuck you. Sorry.
4 year old was good at school all week, so I'm letting a few things slide tonight
While working security at the bar last night
Turn it up. Turn it down. Repeat.
I'm clearly insane
Got stuck behind this guy on the highway today
I figured that's why they were in a bad mood
I'll see myself out
Breakfast, lunch and dinner for the week after Thanksgiving
Who plants them there, honestly?
Give her what she really wants for Valentine's Day.
To the lady that just filled out an application, I guess she forgot I worked security on Friday
Training the new cook
When a good post gets removed
If it wasn't for a few distant relatives, I'd fucking delete it
This was me last night...
The worst thing is I got him the job
I'll take it as a win, we now have 2 ply.
What was I thinking
I see your Juicy Fruit, and raise you a Fruit Stripe
Happened at the bar I work at today, I'm a big guy
Actual confession bear
How I picture r/awww users
How I imagine the users on r/awww
When I'm hot as fuck at work
A burger with eggs, bacon, hash browns and cheese
When my 4 year old rubs his eyes, right before nap time
My first post on r/adviceanimals, sadly this was me...
To the guy who tried to [FIX] my Bubbles meme
To the people complaining about too many ducks, bears and seals
I hope I don't get arrested
Heard this story on a local radio station this morning
The best advice I've ever had and still use
When I dropped my kid off at school this morning my car wouldn't start when I tried to leave. The guy behind me was an asshole.
As a guy who has been single for a long time, this felt awesome
I heard a boom, then it started raining beans
Not all confessions are bad. Thank you Reddit.
Can today go by any slower?
Scumbag bar of soap
For all the people who work weekends
Come on guys...
I can't figure it out...
Every time immediately after I wipe my ass
My 5 year old told me this
Just got this message from my boss
I'm looking at you Facebook
I'm the cook, and I have plenty of lettuce
Just switched from driving a V8 to a 4-cylinder, every time I push the gas pedal...
I gave my kids a box of markers and told them to go play
As a mobile user with big fingers trying to downvote a bad meme
After my 4 year old asked to eat it about 30 times
Now thats shitty
Wise words from Ricky
Every. Damn. Time.
The bar owner is always telling me I'm a model employee
When I'm having a textfight with her and it takes a few minutes for her to respond
Bubbles take on Kims ass
I fucking hate onions
I love my dog
Another knee slapper!
Every time I'm around a campfire with my friends
Forgotten First World Problems Cat
Bubbles take on Kim ass