This happens to me *all the time*!
This is a special kind of awkward
Because I need you here
There was a picket line outside the Alice Cooper show
Saw the first argument on the bus yesterday
After I spent 42k on popcorn?
I can't be late again or I'll get wrote up
You pay 'em less, too
Covid isn't over until the economy SAYS it's over
Just ROLLed out of bed
Suddenly I feel better
It's a Saturday miracle! Every week!
But maybe a touch of hypochondria
Some things are more important than a bad haircut
I never win at anything
Just one more quick stop. Then another...
You're entertained, but I'M informed
We'll just do a time-travel thing about it
When your perfect life is an unraveling delusion
That could be an awkward conversation
We should start a support group
It's important to keep informed in these trying times
Why not both?
I'm standing here as fast as I can
You still gotta know what to copy and where to paste
This just in: redditor becomes immortal by accident
One bad apple ensickens the whole bunch
But stay outta mine!
Sometimes you just wanna talk about eggplants
This can help avoid countless embarrassments
Maybe this time it'll be different
The harder you work, the quicker you learn why some people barely lift a finger
A disgruntled one
Send digit pics
In tonight's news: How'd this little dog get caught up in a tree!?
I'll play your silly little game
But grab a free cup of coffee on the way out
*Manager has left the chat*
Where do I sign?
Memes. The memes were everywhere!
Whatev. We still have it better
Keep your hands to yourself
Let's talk about texts, baby
I'm the crazy-face champion of the world
Me and the Boys living a lie
We need a medic over here!
Suicide by Science
When your ex just wants to talk
If you can't beat 'em, wait till they die out
Full Disclosure: I'm not the president of anything
You never forget your first time
The audience is listening
You're gonna feel right at home
Half of America right now
A little tiny dinosaur
That's just the sound of history repeating
Maybe they DO know
On a continent not so far away
That's the ticket!
Carefully, he's a hero
Y'all got any more of that nose sugar?
We need to talk 3000
I feel robbed
Everybody gets muddy, but the pig loves it
Tea drinking intensifies
Rich people still need Big Macs
* ACME wants your location
Let's just say I'll prolly never be president
That sounds like one amaizing dream
I'm in this picture
Real Genius made it look so easy
Maybe now you'll dress better
Now look who's tardy
Choosing them battles again
Finally a status symbol you can respect
Figures you'd say that
It would be pretty quiet at my job if people followed rules
The universal language of anger
American Pumpkin Pie
I've been everywhen, man
But what way was it facing?
Great, now I'm hungry
The truth doesn't NEED to be true!
* Updog Joe wants your ligma
That's like 12 followers on Reddit!
Nobody likes a snitch
How international incidents get started
I hate me, but I hate you more. Why don't you love me!?
Teachers are a national treasure
Talk Radio's the same way
Whadya think about THAT!
* screams in pride
That's just fancy talk
Chinese Democracy has a whole nother meaning
It's the little things
Don't ask, don't tell
*Tiananmen square intensifies*
Not very long ago in a country not so far away
It just feels like it...most of the time
Sometimes there's no better word
Now we just call it Beer For Breakfast
My VA guy's a special kind of special
There are plenty of people willing to choose your battles for you
We should start a support group!
Why won't my car start? What was that noise!?
We're going to need your dad card, sir
Why hassle me? I work when I'm scheduled
Come for the loyalty, stay for the interior design
How did he know?
The evolution of dumb
Let's all chip in and pay for this class
Hey, say ha cha cha next!
My mental health is self-inflicted
Who's paying you to lie to us?
[Image] It's easy to forget sometimes
You kids'll have better lives if you're in shape
Get your filthy hands off my coloring book you dirty stinking ape
See if you can bank me off that Dumpster
When the trees start speaking Millennial
They'll probably just end up with a piece of cake
How you get stuck with the name shithead for the next 40 years
An integral meme, but derivative
The ciiiiircclllee of liiiiiifffeeee
Any human specieses need saving?
I watch too many James Bond movies
Just released Russian dash-cam clip!
I'm totally over you. Except when I'm not.
Some antics with semantics
Or just run it like, you know...a government
I'm outta control
It was a tough race
That took a raw turn
I always am enbrast
Sad story, bro
How do you like your new ads?
Love, she is beautiful
Norway needs freedom!
What's it mean when they won't let you be alone by yourself?
I am the nightmare that demons dream
At least it's not mumblerap, amirite?
This kept a kid from getting abducted in my town yesterday