u/chamois_hagar

57 results (0.06 seconds)

5.27mm of the most wettest, most brootal gravel I’ve ever seen.

1yr ⋅ ⋅

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After years of training and effort to become faster, I finally figured out what was limiting my progress - the road itself. Too much resistance. About to murder this descent. Suck my terminal velocity, Freds.

2yr ⋅

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Vampire bike. Some things only come out after dark. Spooooky.

2yr ⋅

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I’ve started my own cylcerwear company because Rapha sucks now. I’ll be offering premium kit for extraordinarily high prices. Made with ChamoisFlex technology, all ChamoisKit comes with a 26 minute lifetime. warranty. Taking pre-orders now that will totally be honored.

1yr ⋅

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Hey Freds. Get to your local newsstand or bike shop and pick up my new book. It’s a must read for anyone who wants to give me $400 to adjust their saddle height one centimeter. Supplies are limited, so don’t sleep on this.

2yr ⋅

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Hey Freds! It’s me, your friend Chamois Hagar from the Internet. Just wanted to let you know about a huge, throbbing sale on a great new product from Wahoo. Christmas is around the corner. Be sure to get one for the cyclerist in your family. And one for yourself while you’re at it!

2yr ⋅

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Completed Warbird project/complete revamping. Rebuilds take forever now. But I like the results.

2yr ⋅

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ChamoisFacts: On this day, in 1924, Continental released the first Gatorskin tire. By the following day, no less than 25,000 collarbones were shattered because it rained.

3yr ⋅

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What the fuck? I ordered a new set of Rapha bibs this week, and look at the logo. Black! How will lesser people see the branding of my kit from 100 feet away if it’s black? Do I return them? Sue them? Is this due to some horrible error? Help me, BCJ. My identity is at stake.

2yr ⋅

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Hey you Freds. I’ve started a new business making saddles from endangered species hide. Up your exclusivity with a bespoke unit made from the extinction of the creature of your choosing. This one is Komodo Dragon. (Discount if you kill it yourself).

2yr ⋅

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With Trek’s new Emonda, you can fit a Domane and a Madone in the downtube storage compartment with room to spare for a Nodame when it’s inevitably produced!

3yr ⋅

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I put Silca titanium cages and bolts on a steel bike. Using your best BCJ skills, tell me how triggered you are.

1yr ⋅

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I paid these contractors to put my driveway in, and this is what I come home to. Lazy switchbacks?? I asked for inclines. Do I have any legal recourse? Would you accept this? I’m embarrassed.

2yr ⋅

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“Fred Tries Clipless Pedals”

2yr ⋅

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A sneak preview of my spread in this month’s BCJ Magazine. Let me know where you want your signed copy sent, and what fragrance of cologne you’d like me to spray on it.

3yr ⋅

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It’s a good thing I’m very, very affluent and strikingly handsome. I’ll just toss the cops $500 and my bike at every stop sign. (As long as it won’t negatively impact my Strava numbers). Can’t imagine how this will affect the poor and therefore ugly.

2yr ⋅

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Genius Fred invents auto-drafting device.

3yr ⋅

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On my way home. I assume you’ll all be there competing for numbest penis, lowest wattage, and most likely to have visible pubes. (I didn’t make this up. It’s there).

2yr ⋅

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The guy at the LBS said this was the good tool for tires, and insisted that I buy it. Was he hitting on me? He did look at me a bit sexily, and recommend I use lube. Should I be offended or aroused?

2yr ⋅

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You know what time it is, Freds. Almost time for the weaksauce hobbyists to go inside for the year. I’ve created a new training line for part-time “cycling” tourists. I urge you to invest early, you know it’s going to sell out.

1yr ⋅

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Got my new Surly DUI-Max handlebar. They say it’s for mountaingraveltourpacking. On a scale of one to jean-shorts, how many women will pepper-spray me and call the cops if I even talk to them with these bad boys?

2yr ⋅

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Dude finds peace in the fact that nobody wants to pick up trash left on the street. My HOA would fine the shit out of them.

2yr ⋅

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2yr ⋅

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This company sent me a recruiting package. I hear they’re really good for the cycling industry. Their corporate motto is “Total Domination Through Oppression”, and “Blitz-something”. Do you think I should interview?

2yr ⋅

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Does anyone know if there’s a Di2 version of this? I’d prefer to have a wire going from it all the way through my bar, into the frame, around the BB, and up to a battery I can’t get to.

3yr ⋅

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NPD! I got these new peddles for my pushbike. The horror stories about people falling over and dying have scared me into not using clippers. (I’m just kidding. If I don’t hear some funny jokes, I swear to fuck I will install these and ride in flip flops and make you watch).

2yr ⋅

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Hey Freds, it’s ChamoisHagar. Are these expensive companies *really* better than what I can get from AliExpress? Or is it just marketing so those elitist cyclers can look cool?

2yr ⋅

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Hi community. Does anyone know where to find the safety device pictured on this sign? I’ve had a couple of bad experiences with streetcar tracks and this looks like a great solution for when I go OTB daily. TIA!

2yr ⋅

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When I was a kid in the 70’s, I had a Schwinn Stingray. It had a bell. These things were science fiction.

2yr ⋅

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So much hate for guns. If guns are so bad, explain these fine folks protecting themselves from dangerous thugs, which is in no way a euphemism for anything at all. An armed Fred is a safe Fred.

2yr ⋅

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The Sufferings of Fred, circa 1506.

1yr ⋅

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You are welcome, Freds.

2yr ⋅

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NBD. 2022 Top Fuel 8. A perk from working part time at the LBS. Saw it when it was built a couple months ago before it hit the Trek website. Was pretty sure it was going home with me then. Gorgeous machine. Can’t wait to get killed on it.

2yr ⋅

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I have found the fastest hole. There can’t possibly be a faster hole than this hole. Just LOOK AT WHAT IT SAYS.

3yr ⋅

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Hey cyclers, I invented a new frame made of 100% Mylar. It’s the lightest frame of ever, and if you fill it with helium, it’s even lighter than regular air. I’m accepting deposits now.

3yr ⋅

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Here you go, boys. Your search is over. For 50 bucks you can fix your numbnesses and definitely never get mocked and jeered by anyone. You are welcome.

1yr ⋅

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A little work on the ongoing gravel GodBike today. ENVE post, Spec power expert Ti saddle. Next up is the carbon cockpit that’s in the mail, may get to 18 pounds (?) Fast and gnarly. Still like the V3 Warbird over the V4.

2yr ⋅

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Looking at carry solutions for my illegitimate child (long story). Does this seem safe to you? For me, I mean. Would it (and he) protect me in the event of a crash? And if so, do you think it would fit on my Dogma F12? I’m sure I could have it painted to be less of an eyesore.

2yr ⋅

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What’s your least favorite thing to do? I hate this box, and everything inside of it.

3yr ⋅

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Just had my first bike fit done. Not sure why the guy needed me mostly nude, nor why so much time was spent on my saddle contact point. Can you guys stare at the area for a very, very long time and double check for me? TIA for suggestions.

2yr ⋅

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I got my first sponsorship! I’m a spokesmodel for a new seat company. Venmo me your money for details on how you can also be sponsored! Don’t miss out!

3yr ⋅

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There can be only One. What tool makes you happy just looking at it? This one makes me love bent hangers.

2yr ⋅

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2yr ⋅

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Because you’re all so cool and I love you, I got you each one of these. I knew you’d like them. I am your Oprah. All you have to do to claim your FREE partypace cap is Venmo me money.

2yr ⋅

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Fred is his own wheelsucker.

2yr ⋅

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New kit day, you square Freds. USADA’s public enemy number one. (They didn’t make one with EPO).

2yr ⋅

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How will you jerks be watching Chamois Hagar dominate the TDF this year? (uc/ No seriously, how are you watching? I don’t want a GCN subscription).

3yr ⋅

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What/why is this? School me. I’d like to stick a 1x chain guide here, but everything I find is standard 2-bolt mounting like a regular braze-on FD hanger. The plate doesn’t come out of the carbon, just the bolt. It also sits where a collar-mount would go. Strange? Or am I missing something.

3yr ⋅

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