Just got my first motorbike and I couldn't be more excited!

9mo ⋅ ⋅

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Happy Pride Month to my beautiful rainbow family! No matter what flag you fly just remember you're valid and amazing and I love you guys!

3yr ⋅

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I've decided to start up a mini series about the realities of bipolar. I wanted to share with the world that bipolar disorder is not just mood swings but a variety of many things. Day one talks about memory loss!

4yr ⋅

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Exhausted, I sit here, aware but stuck, desperate to move, watching and waiting for my mind to finally surrender.

1yr ⋅

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Bad days.

1yr ⋅

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The chemicals keep me alive, but each dose is another exhausting step in an endless regime.

1yr ⋅

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Been a long road but I'm moving forward!

3yr ⋅

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For the first time in a long time I'm struggling to create. I don't want to lose my only outlet.

4yr ⋅

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Hi guys, it's been a while! Since I've been craving comfort lately I figured I'd share some of my go-to comfort items (good and bad!) What are some of your main comfort items?

3yr ⋅

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It's a 28 day program and I think it might be exactly what I've needed to get back onto my feet.

4yr ⋅

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And the cycle repeats.

5yr ⋅

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Everything is so squeaky clean!

5yr ⋅

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Exhausted, I sit here, aware but stuck, desperate to move, watching and waiting for my mind to finally surrender.

1yr ⋅

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Day five of my mini series, racing thoughts. It's hard to think clearly when your head is the equivalent of a shaken up wasps nest!

4yr ⋅

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It struck me recently that after battling with some mental illnesses from a young age that I missed out on learning a lot of life and social skills. Even some of the more basic things, like looking after myself properly. I hope that with some time and effort I can relearn the things I missed out on.

4yr ⋅

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Anybody else have the same problem?

4yr ⋅

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The chemicals keep me alive, but each dose is another exhausting step in an endless regime.

1yr ⋅

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For the first time ever, I'm actually figuring out who I am outside of my mental health diagnosis, and who I want to be.

4yr ⋅

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I'm exhausted. I keep forgetting what massive changes I've had to make, and how much overhauling my life is draining me. It's all for the betterment of my health but some days I just want to curl up in bed and sleep the day away. At least my mental health is stable, somehow.

3yr ⋅

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Over the years I've shouldered a tremendous amount of guilt for my inability to manage life, thinking that I was a burden to everybody. It's only with the help of my therapist that I've realised that I'm not responsible for my illness, and feeling guilty won't change anything.

4yr ⋅

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If only this was a real thing. I want gummy meds.

5yr ⋅

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Sleep schedules are hard

6yr ⋅

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Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

5yr ⋅

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Day four of my mini series, Impulsivity. It's a symptom I don't hear many people mention in relation to bipolar disorder, but it can be a very severe problem for us.

4yr ⋅

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Bipolar Basics part 3, Bipolar II (or bipolar two). My posting is going to be getting a little more infrequent over the holidays, so I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! <3 Love, Ateumi.

4yr ⋅

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Where's the OFF button?!

4yr ⋅

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I hate changing medication, everytime I think I'm doing well something needs to be altered. I just want to be stable.

4yr ⋅

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It’s an uphill battle but I’m still in one piece!

5yr ⋅

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You know its been bad when a month feels like a year.

5yr ⋅

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Why is it so hard to just look after myself?

6yr ⋅

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Guilty as charged. I'm a champion procrastinator.

5yr ⋅

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Day seven of my miniseries, difficulty communicating. It's crazy how much I didn't realize was a part of this disorder that's such a huge part of my life.

4yr ⋅

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Totally healthy, right? Right?

5yr ⋅

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I know it's been a while, but I've just been so lost. Everytime I try picking up a pencil my mind is blank. I'm all over the place.

4yr ⋅

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Man, lately I am just craving all the wrong foods! I wish that I could just turn off my med symptoms sometimes!

4yr ⋅

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Hey guys, I'd like to introduce you to the new series I'm doing, Bipolar Basics! I'll be covering all of the basic topics like the types of bipolar and the mood changes as well as a few extras. Hope you guys enjoy!

4yr ⋅

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I'm tired. I'm oh so very tired. So many years of being untreated broke me down to nothing and now the slow process of healing is driving me crazy. I wish my brain functioned properly, I wish I didn't have bipolar.

4yr ⋅

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Too many times I’ve gotten caught up in my mind.

5yr ⋅

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Miniseries day 14, suicidality. This is another heavy one, but when 20% of those with bipolar end up committing suicide, it's important for everyone to realize just how much it affects this community.

4yr ⋅

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Its a never-ending war.

5yr ⋅

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Day three of my mini series, sleeplessness! Although sleeplessness can have a lot of factors, one of them is in fact bipolar disorder. I know I've been struggling with falling and staying asleep for many years.

4yr ⋅

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I was told this particular part of my Bipolar Basics would be appreciated here!

4yr ⋅

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A couple days ago I decided to start doing things for myself, so I cut my hair off and got another piercing and I feel more free than I have in years. I feel like myself again.

4yr ⋅

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So many people, so many eyes...

5yr ⋅

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When my head is full everything seems so overwhelming. It's like the world becomes unbearably saturated.

3yr ⋅

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Some people won’t like us for our illness, and that’s okay!

5yr ⋅

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I need to buy them in bulk.

5yr ⋅

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Shoutout to Disenchantment for giving me a physical representation of all of my demons.

6yr ⋅

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This is normal, right? Right??

5yr ⋅

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Not sure if this is relevant for this sub but I'm really proud of myself for managing to get this far and I had to post. I know it might not be much in the scheme of things, but it feels like an eternity.

4yr ⋅

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Something I've had to remind myself of again and again recently.

4yr ⋅

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Anybody else? No? Just me? Damn.

5yr ⋅

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Day two of my mini series, Akathisia. A bit of an obscure one - I had never heard of the word before until I started my research into bipolar symptoms. But it's reassuring knowing my restlessness has a cause.

4yr ⋅

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Kintsugi is my favourite philosophy.

5yr ⋅

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I'm so over everything, med changes and appointments and feeling this anxious all the time. I just need a break from my bipolar. I'm so tired.

4yr ⋅

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A reminder for EVERYONE.

5yr ⋅

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It's probably my anxiety, but I just need to have something I can fiddle with. It helps keep me calm.

4yr ⋅

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The four elements of despair featuring my life.

5yr ⋅

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It never gets easier

5yr ⋅

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This happens more often than I care to admit.

5yr ⋅

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Seriously. Maybe I should go home and stay in bed all day while all this stuff is happening. Talk about bad timing.

4yr ⋅

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I get overwhelmed way too easily.

5yr ⋅

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I’ve changed so much.

5yr ⋅

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Mini series day six, irritability. Another big one. When there's so much frustration going through your mind it's really difficult not to react.

4yr ⋅

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I'M TRYING! I'm trying...

5yr ⋅

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Some days I can surf them, other days I drown.

5yr ⋅

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I never used to be able to shower, or take care of myself until I bought my first rubber duck. It seems silly, but they keep me company and distract me from what I'm doing. I recommend to anyone who struggles with self care to buy their own rubber duck. It makes a world of difference.

5yr ⋅

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They're all fighting for the spotlight.

5yr ⋅

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The last day of this miniseries, day 15, medication. Don't worry though, my new series is already in the works! Medication can be amazing, but finding the right cocktail can be frustrating.

4yr ⋅

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When does everyday get easier?

6yr ⋅

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It's so overwhelming that none of them get along.

5yr ⋅

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The only self care I care about is a cold dark room and a comfy bed.

5yr ⋅

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Lack of sleep is really killing me. I just want to rest!

5yr ⋅

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It’s so hard to distinguish sometimes.

6yr ⋅

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They just misjudge me and then treat me badly because of it.

5yr ⋅

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Since its my birthday I figured I'd post a positive one!

5yr ⋅

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I get overwhelmed so easily.

5yr ⋅

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It's been a constant theme in my life.

5yr ⋅

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I can't describe just how painful and disorienting it is.

5yr ⋅

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I love it but I couldn’t live forever in darkness

5yr ⋅

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Life is hard, but with SeroquelTM, you can sleep right through it! No more worries for you!

5yr ⋅

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Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without bipolar.

5yr ⋅

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She's basically my emotional support animal. I don't know what I would do without her. If anybody else has an animal that helps them out I'd love to see pictures (and I can post a few of my girl too if you're want!)

4yr ⋅

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I don’t know if it’s paranoia, but...

5yr ⋅

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I thought I'd share my very bisexual computer setup. It's not the tidiest but I love it to bits!

4yr ⋅

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I'm exhausted of being tired.

5yr ⋅

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Please don't be ashamed to speak up if you're struggling, because, speaking from experience, it only takes one person and one conversation to make a difference. Ask how your friends and family are doing and most of all, stay safe guys, I love you all!

5yr ⋅

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I thought I'd share because I'm pretty excited and I didn't know where else to post! I won second place in a mental health inspired art competition in my city! These are some thumbnails of the works that I made!

3yr ⋅

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Every time I think I have it, it slips through my fingers

5yr ⋅

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I used to be so happy, and everything was so easy.

5yr ⋅

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...Or directions or anything really.

5yr ⋅

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So many meds and they still can’t erase the ups and downs

6yr ⋅

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They can be a hard demon to best.

5yr ⋅

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Its a shitty feeling.

5yr ⋅

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It keeps pulling me back, like its trying to help me.

5yr ⋅

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Why don't people understand it's not that simple!

5yr ⋅

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Sorry for the spam I just can’t stop drawing!

6yr ⋅

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I've never been a social person, but an anxiety group was recommended to me and honestly, going and having people around me going through similar stuff has been a relief. As much as being around people is really difficult, I think this will be worth it.

4yr ⋅

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Sometimes the things that seem small are the most worth celebrating.

5yr ⋅

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Look guys I'm in the digital age! Also, nothing like a list of side effects to put my anxiety into overdrive.

5yr ⋅

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Lately my frustration and negative thoughts have been consuming me.

5yr ⋅

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Day 11 of my miniseries, Hallucinations. I never knew just how much hallucinations affected those of us with bipolar, I always thought I was crazy for seeing things.

4yr ⋅

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Miniseries day eight, appetite. I always thought my changes in appetite were due to medication or hormones, but apparently bipolar can cause it too!

4yr ⋅

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It’s like I shutdown

5yr ⋅

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Why is this so hard for people to understand?

5yr ⋅

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Some days I'm totally fine with it, and the next I'm pulling my hair out. When will it get easier?

5yr ⋅

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I hold my tongue way too often.

5yr ⋅

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I just gotta keep at it.

4yr ⋅

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Okay part 2 of bipolar basics is bipolar I (or bipolar one)! I tried my hand at drawing a little graph so you can visualize it. Hope this is helpful!

4yr ⋅

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Some days it's all too much

5yr ⋅

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What else is there to say, it's just been one of those days.

5yr ⋅

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I ask even though I know there's no real answer.

5yr ⋅

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Miniseries day ten! Anxiety. I know that this technically isn't a symptom of bipolar, but I wanted to include it because it's pretty common for those with bipolar to also experience anxiety! I know I do.

4yr ⋅

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I changed my bedroom lamps and cleaned my room - every little thing helps. One day I hope I'll be well enough to go on more adventures but right now I feel better and that's all that matters.

5yr ⋅

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At least they’re just passing thoughts.

5yr ⋅

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Good thing I can make myself a blanket burrito.

5yr ⋅

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It’s just so quiet...

5yr ⋅

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Depression, mania, anxiety, paranoia... Theyre all tugging for control. They're making me crazy.

5yr ⋅

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Miniseries day 13, libido changes. We're getting near the end of this series, but don't worry I have another one in the works! As well as bipolar emotional shifts, medication is another huge cause of libido changes

4yr ⋅

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I never realised how much my stress and bipolar feed into my anger. It's frustrating because 95% of the time I'm passive but when I get mad it's explosive.

4yr ⋅

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Yay for being multifaceted (even if they're all bad)!

5yr ⋅

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A reminder to everybody

6yr ⋅

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If only I could move forwards.

5yr ⋅

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It's so easy to fall into bad patterns and worry about every little thing you could possibly imagine. I have to remind myself of this so often, and I still catch myself falling into my bad habits.

4yr ⋅

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You're goddamn right, I'm stark raving SANE.

5yr ⋅

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Maybe the shadow people have finally decided to take me as their own

5yr ⋅

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Disassociation can be a bitch but at least I'm not depressed...

5yr ⋅

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You're worth the time it takes to bloom!

5yr ⋅

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I still don’t know where I left it.

5yr ⋅

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Who knows. It can't make anything worse right now, can it? Maybe it'll fix everything.

4yr ⋅

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I've been a bit lax with my posting lately, but I've had a lot on my plate so I hope you guys understand! Your support means the world to me! And if you ever feel like everything's stacking against you, just let the world know you're trying too.

5yr ⋅

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My new babies came in the mail and I'm so excited! Not asking for ID just sharing the looooove!

5yr ⋅

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Everytime I think I've finished a section, the ink seems to fade away in another.

5yr ⋅

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At least one thing stays the same.

5yr ⋅

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I just want to find middle ground.

5yr ⋅

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Recently I've been learning about sensory seeking and avoiding behaviours to help with my anxiety. I seek all things touch to ground myself, particularly soft or squishy things and avoid spending time around overwhelming visual things like bright lights and vivid colours! What do you seek or avoid?

3yr ⋅

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All my roads lead back to the wards.

5yr ⋅

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Sometimes it's damn near impossible to tell. I wish I was better at identifying what I'm feeling.

3yr ⋅

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I’m on a knifes edge waiting to slip.

5yr ⋅

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I feel like everyday I find out something new about myself and my emotions. At this point I have so many facets I can't keep track, but maybe one day I'll be able to.

4yr ⋅

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It's just so much simpler to say I'm fine.

5yr ⋅

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Playing around with my Copic Markers and this seems about right. Shoutout to depressive episodes!

6yr ⋅

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It never really works though.

5yr ⋅

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I can feel EVERYTHING.

5yr ⋅

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Neither are fun, but they're the only options I've got.

5yr ⋅

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And yet im still here and fighting! Suck on that.

5yr ⋅

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I’ve struggled for years, but I’m one year clean and I intend to never feed the monster again.

5yr ⋅

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What if I've forgotten what MAKES me happy? None of my emotions feel authentic anymore. How am I supposed to know?

5yr ⋅

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My meds don't seem to be working and I don't know what else to do. I know I haven't posted in a while, I'm not okay, but I'm trying to be. Also, it's 2020 so here's the real me (not just my avatar), tattoos, piercings, scars and all.

4yr ⋅

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