She traded me for the window seat before we got on the plane
Lost my wallet 3 days ago, finally ordered new cards and then...
Big brain Dad
No Jon, I'm pooping
If you're having a bad day just remember, you could be the guy who's driving a bus full of potential Coronavirus carriers to quarantine while being observed by a man in a hazmat suit
My friend is allergic to everything.
My friend works as an extra in movies and does stock photography.... just saw him pictured as a sex offender on a bus in Florida
Bulgarian police uses pepper spray on protesters, and the wind blows it back into their faces.
I sold a vise on Ebay for $1000 so I could buy my dad a birthday present. Paypal let the guy return it because he said it was the wrong item. The guy got a refund from paypal, kept my vise and sent me a box of junk..
Not only did grandpa already have this shirt, he was wearing it when he unwrapped it.
My house burned down...
This is too true
Road between Kununurra and Broome is closed due to flooding, below is the closest detour on paved roads.
Hope they feel better soon
I accidentally put my leather gloves in the washing machine
My dad spent a week in a hospital for a heart attack and this is what we owe
There goes the phone.
People shooting off guns for the fourth in the city. Bullets are still affected by gravity...
Bought 60 doughnuts for the office today to celebrate my 20th birthday, only to be told I need to self isolate/ work from home for the next week
Ended quite satisfying
Zeppelin fan passes out drunk backstage, misses out on meeting John Paul Jones and Dave Grohl
I put a Christmas Story lamp in my front window and not one of my neighbors recognized it. Several have stopped to ask why I have a “weird, gross leg” on display.
My new computer component was delivered today. Thank you USPS for speed and care!
Today is your lucky day, don't mess it up .
Governor just ordered all “non life sustaining” businesses to close, including construction and contractors. This is the current state of my only bathroom...
I work at a small coffee shop. My boss just absent-mindedly poured unroasted beans into a batch of roasted ones. Here's us separating 10,000 beans...by hand.
This is a familiar situation
I cleaned the cat’s litter box and brought the bag with me to throw away in my outdoor trash can on the way to work. I also brought my lunch. Guess which one got thrown away and which one came to work with me.
Some say he still stands there. Wondering what happened
Stiring shit up
That’s an unfortunate lighting outage...
A statue of Jesus in India mysteriously began dripping water from its toes. Worshippers started collecting it and drinking it believing it was holy. The source of the water was later found to be a clogged toilet near the statue.
Went into my attic looking for a water leak coming into my living room and it appears that I'm also in quarantine with this whatever monstrosity left this behind. Its soft to the touch so I'm assuming it's still around.
Jonah Hill dropping his coffee
I'm leaving my job after 5 years today, over 500 people I work with, this is my leaving card.
If you thought smoking at a gas pump was bad...
Saw this in a car window on my way to class
Finally, I can go inside and relax...
In Colorado, due to rock fall, a 20 mile stretch of highway now has a 238 mile, 4.5 hour detour.
He thought he was home alone cleaning the house.
Halloween mask ordered online vs what he received in the mail
Just keep clapping.
This kid ran into a lamppost while chasing his favourite soccer player
Social distancing during my birthday
Shitty parenting 100
Dropped my school hard drive and it stopped working. On the way to get it fixed, lost my 1982 Cadillac Seville because a guy made an illegal left hand turn. A day later, my pet bird died. Worst week of my life.
Today I was extremely sad and I thought I can't wait to go home and see my cat, he will make me happy. Ok well I found out he was more depressed than me
$12,000 worth of cancer pills
Today my septic tank overflowed, my fridge stopped working, and then this afternoon I got diagnosed with testicular cancer at 24yr old. Having a beer to that...
A friend sent me this picture today.
I received this gift from my crush
The robot takeover has begun...
Kudos for trying
The man Who took the photo says: when you feel that you are tired ... Remember that we emptied 6,000 bricks in the wrong address .
This is just sad.
Feeling like Kevin from the office right now.
In the past week, my dog of 14 years died, I’ve been sick, my dad had emergency heart surgery, and this is what I woke up to on my day off.
When the bakers make the mix wrong and don’t realize yeast doesn’t just stop working because it’s in a dumpster.
Was confused when it didn't sound like it hit the floor
Currently stuck in an elevator
When your friends coke baggie is stuck to her phone as she takes your picture with your parents.
Aaaand there go my $300 headphones
Their flight left 2hrs ago
Dog doesn't care for guy's cologne
The TSA just held us up over something dumb and we missed our flight by 2 minutes to serve as medical professionals abroad. Here’s my parents having a very bad day.
A bountiful feast just inches away
Ever flown 16 hours... for nothing?
Oof Moment right Here
We were getting our kitchen redone when the Corona Virus happened. We currently are living through this with a toaster oven and a sink
People who worked at this cafe used to take care of this stray floof. Now almost every shop is closed, floof still waits for them to open.
Ink removal process
Ignored my girlfriend's texts after a tough shift at work. She took her frustration out on my TV, RIP big guy.
Somebody didn’t strap the egg trolleys in properly on the truck. 10,500 eggs broken
For every kid you voluntarily refuse to vaccinate, there is another who has no choice at all.
My brand new Roomba ran over my puppy’s shit and proceeded to “clean” the rest of my home.
I helped him.
I think more than one drink was needed after that text
My first ever class as a teacher is about to begin, all notes on the laptop
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Knowing how heavy that is, he’s hella injured
My phone was stolen last week in London and I just got a notification saying it had been located...
I'd say I cant believe it, but I certainly can
I’ve been saving up for a Switch for a couple months now. I finally got it last week and found this in my dog’s mouth this morning.
The lady at the courthouse neglected to tell me I was looking at the wrong camera.
Got a 91 audi yesterday, made it about 100 miles before it decided to blow up.
You can do so much good, and still be labeled something negative.
This photo my dad took of me at Machu Picchu
Man successfully avoids stepping on wet paint.
That looks like it’s straight out of a cartoon
Tony Hawk problems
Plane taking off from Montreal
So my brother decided to take his anger out on something of mine...
Pitchforks at the ready boys
I was in New York for the first time in my life. My wife and I spent almost 10 hours on a plane, crossed the Atlantic Ocean and flew 7,500 kilometers. We climbed the top of the rock to enjoy a view of central park. We had only one day in New York and this view will always be with us.
Guy Stumped that Clown Pretty Good!
This refund my coworker had to process today
Forgetting to roll up the window all the way
As a single man who has eaten out pretty much every day since I was 19, this whole fend for yourself quarantine plan is utter bullshit. You see this? This is instant oatmeal and I fucked it up. There is no hope for me. Stay healthy folks!
Lamborghini Huracan flooded due to rain in São Paulo. It was not insured.
Forgot my headphones on the ground while the roomba was running
Fucking antivaxx parents
Picked my car up from the mechanic yesterday after having a bunch of things replaced totalling $2100 just to have burst into flames on me this morning. I'm too poor for this shit!
You ain’t lion down next to me
This mans reflexes are no match for gravity
Pilot issues wrong code over radio and gets the plane swatted
Hey that's us
Today is the day.
Nope. They can keep the car
Heckin' good find in an otherwise bad situation
Some things never change
When your boss walks in right before you fuck something up
When your drysuit floods...
After our 9 hour car ride, this is the picture my mom took of us at Mt. Rushmore.
Forgetting about your pizza for 8 hours. Burnt so bad it looks like a double-chocolate brownie.
Expect to see a lot of this.
So, apparently granddad had an... interesting career
He wasn't ready
I made a lasagna for lunch. Here's the result.
Just like the cartoons
Demonetization at all costs
Hello new fren
The washer is leaking, they said.
Tbh I kinda feel bad for this guy
Everyone got to go home early because a F16 crashed into the building. There were no fatalities
Got home from work today. Realized I’ve been walking around meeting clients with a giant 6-7 in rip in my pants that no one said anything about. So I figured the internet should also know.