R. Kelly is *technically* not a pedophile

1yr ⋅ ⋅

Buying 1000 likes for 5 dollars

3yr ⋅

⋅

Yesterday in /r/jokes, a karmawhore account ripped off one of my old standupshots, word-for-word. It hit #1 with 23.6k upvotes, with my credit stripped out. It’s not my favorite bit, but if it’s good enough to steal, it’s good enough to repost.

1yr ⋅

⋅

Billionaire Philanthropy

1yr ⋅

⋅

Literally sick of those Bernie memes

3mo ⋅

⋅

The most magical place on Earth

10mo ⋅

⋅

At least these will stop him from sniffing everybody

1yr ⋅

⋅

In honor of what would have been Mitch Hedberg's 50th birthday, here's a picture of him when he was younger.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Sartre Day Night Live

3yr ⋅

⋅

It's all relative.

3yr ⋅

⋅

1 out of 10

3yr ⋅

⋅

Vaping

3yr ⋅

⋅

Adult Acne

2yr ⋅

⋅

A possible deterrent to mass shooters

3yr ⋅

⋅

Time Travel

3yr ⋅

⋅

Tourette Syndrome

2yr ⋅

⋅

I call BS

3yr ⋅

⋅

Braille

2yr ⋅

⋅

Uber mensch

4yr ⋅

⋅

Ramadan

4yr ⋅

⋅

I'm at the age where all my friends are getting married... for the second time

3yr ⋅

⋅

Security Question

1yr ⋅

⋅

Mine is also way more expensive.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Y'all get it

3yr ⋅

⋅

Comedy in the Time of Coronavirus

1yr ⋅

⋅

Snitches aint bitches

2yr ⋅

⋅

Open Relationships

2yr ⋅

⋅

Growing up Arab in Mississippi

4yr ⋅

⋅

Mitch

3yr ⋅

⋅

Horror Movies

4yr ⋅

⋅

Good ole Los Angeles.

2yr ⋅

⋅

The Ijewminatti Is-real

3yr ⋅

⋅

You're Welcome Nancy Reagan

3yr ⋅

⋅

Excited to see Black Panther!

3yr ⋅

⋅

Inspiration

2yr ⋅

⋅

Pretty, pretty good year

4mo ⋅

⋅

My name is Jonas

1yr ⋅

⋅

If Trump wasn’t Trump

2yr ⋅

⋅

I really just want to be comfortable

1yr ⋅

⋅

Real nerd

4yr ⋅

⋅

Welcome to America.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Gender double standard

2yr ⋅

⋅

Overwatch Your Damn Kids.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Like I'm A Disney Villain

3yr ⋅

⋅

The most important meal of the day

4yr ⋅

⋅

There's only one good use for it

2yr ⋅

⋅

I love the _____ People

4yr ⋅

⋅

That's not jihad, that's Jim Bob

3yr ⋅

⋅

Bro Code

3yr ⋅

⋅

The apple juice hater

4yr ⋅

⋅

Dog People

3yr ⋅

⋅

Legalize it, not them

3yr ⋅

⋅

Scary Thought

4yr ⋅

⋅

Valentine's Day

3mo ⋅

⋅

Is that too much to ask

2yr ⋅

⋅

Skinnies be ironing

3yr ⋅

⋅

That plan back-fired

2yr ⋅

⋅

Please

3yr ⋅

⋅

This comedian will self destruct...

3yr ⋅

⋅

Dara O Briain on religion jokes

3yr ⋅

⋅

An anorexic woman was looking at me.

3yr ⋅

⋅

At least its caused a 99% drop in teens in China saying the N-word

1yr ⋅

⋅

Child of Divorce

1yr ⋅

⋅

'Murica

3yr ⋅

⋅

Nazi Friends

3yr ⋅

⋅

Kids Keep No Secrets

2yr ⋅

⋅

Straight Theater Guys

4mo ⋅

⋅

Southern Racism

3yr ⋅

⋅

Referred by my mom

2yr ⋅

⋅

Superheroes

3yr ⋅

⋅

Los Angeles, the city of way too many words.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Best year of your father's life

3yr ⋅

⋅

Dream job

3yr ⋅

⋅

says what I have is chronic, well, the chronic...

3yr ⋅

⋅

Trump v Borat, 2020

6mo ⋅

⋅

Another face mask joke

9mo ⋅

⋅

The good old days were terrible

3yr ⋅

⋅

Unsolicited kid pics

8mo ⋅

⋅

seems appropriate for pride month...

2yr ⋅

⋅

I prefer farm-to-table rich people.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Roll a deception check

3yr ⋅

⋅

What I know about AKs and AR-15s?

3yr ⋅

⋅

Ice-T's Waiter

1yr ⋅

⋅

The feels

5mo ⋅

⋅

Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven

3yr ⋅

⋅

muggy

3yr ⋅

⋅

I Hurt, Huckabees

4yr ⋅

⋅

Gang Vape

3yr ⋅

⋅

WORSHIP ME!

4yr ⋅

⋅

An Inconvenient Truth

1yr ⋅

⋅

Wrestling Is Fake

2yr ⋅

⋅

Touche

1yr ⋅

⋅

Well... that's only natural.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Interracial Relationships

3yr ⋅

⋅

Shared dreams and passwords

3yr ⋅

⋅

Divine judgement

1yr ⋅

⋅

...or his tax returns

4yr ⋅

⋅

I'm a realist

4yr ⋅

⋅

Last one I'll post this year, I promise ;P

4mo ⋅

⋅

Life During Lockdown

1yr ⋅

⋅

Sorry, I Didn't See the Lipstick

3yr ⋅

⋅

My figurative friend

3yr ⋅

⋅

Took a DNA Test

2yr ⋅

⋅

Chill out and eat an avocado

1yr ⋅

⋅

Facebook

3yr ⋅

⋅

Dating Advice from Women

4yr ⋅

⋅

Kites are way better, too.

2yr ⋅

⋅

New York City

1yr ⋅

⋅

Crestfallen Warrior

3yr ⋅

⋅

Love is blind

1yr ⋅

⋅

Virtue Signal

3yr ⋅

⋅

It's Always the Hungry One

4yr ⋅

⋅

Target Audience

4yr ⋅

⋅

Chik-Fil-A

3yr ⋅

⋅

Spotty service.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Poetry In Motion

3yr ⋅

⋅

Dirty talk

7mo ⋅

⋅

Back to the Drawing Board

3yr ⋅

⋅

Asian accent

2yr ⋅

⋅

Anti-Abortion Billboards

3yr ⋅

⋅

Passive aggressive coffee shop signs

4yr ⋅

⋅

He lives in a society.

2yr ⋅

⋅

Sketchy celebrities

3yr ⋅

⋅

Mayo

2yr ⋅

⋅

When in Dublin

3yr ⋅

⋅

Don't argue with your family about Trump, today. Argue about Andrew Jackson.

3yr ⋅

⋅

And don't get me started on babies

2yr ⋅

⋅

OCD

2yr ⋅

⋅

daylight savings tim

3yr ⋅

⋅

The Second Least Popular Kid

1yr ⋅

⋅

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

3yr ⋅

⋅

Bipartisan views

1yr ⋅

⋅

Romesh Ranganathan on Iggy Azalea

2yr ⋅

⋅

I have the trappings of an older soul

3yr ⋅

⋅

New Neighbor!

2yr ⋅

⋅

Guilty Pleasure

3yr ⋅

⋅

As Long As Its Healthy

3yr ⋅

⋅

Packing Heat

3yr ⋅

⋅

Incognito

4yr ⋅

⋅

Meeting the gf's dad

2yr ⋅

⋅

10,000 hours

3yr ⋅

⋅

step-dad Uber

2yr ⋅

⋅

100% reason to remember the name

3yr ⋅

⋅

Buzzfeed

3yr ⋅

⋅

Trying to get more active this year.

3yr ⋅

⋅

Adoption

3yr ⋅

⋅

What's in the box?

3yr ⋅

⋅

Hailing a Cab to Jail

2yr ⋅

⋅

Did He Smoke?

4mo ⋅

⋅

*High five*

3yr ⋅

⋅