MFW I hear my Husband in the kitchen looking for the last Muffin
When you tell your friend you're too tired to play games right now and then run into him on battlefield cause you're a lying piece of shit
MFW mum makes me wait in the car for 5 minutes and it's been 10
MFW it's a really big poop.
MFW I visit /r/GoneWild
MFW I tell my wife that sex doesn't count as an anniversary present.
MFW I have to listen to my wife bitch for the next 4 years.
MFW I accidentally type '-tino' instead of '-tion'
MFW my total comes to $3.50
MFW when my boss walks by to see if I'm working but I heard the keys on her lanyard coming so I had time to prepare.
MFW I'm hacking ISIS
MFW I'm on /r/gonewild
MFW I'm having to neglect my work & attend some lame-ass team building exercise
MFW I had Taco Bell for breakfast, Chipotle for lunch, and White Castle for dinner
MFW I'm working in Donald Trump's campaign headquarters.
MFW my best friend is killing his speech in class and he looks at me
MFW my nurse doesn't know what she's doing
MFW I accidentally type my password into the username field and now every time I go to that site my password shows up in the username dropdown
MFW I hear my gf fart for the first time
MFW i go to the barber at 8 in the morning after a night out and i'm sitting there half drunk, half asleep, not understanding a word what the hairdresser says.
MFW people don't want to learn more
MFW Mods Remove My Post After Its Twelve Hours Old and Is On The Front Page
MFW I'm about to fuck over the internet of an entire country
MFW I get a text at 3am.
Mfw I heard Of the US single-party controlled gov. Shutdown
MFW someone refuses to be silenced.
MFW my friend posts all of her complaints about life on facebook.
MFW I'm enjoying that cannoli filling.
MFW it's better down where it's wetter
mfw i got fallout 4
MFW my female friends wear next to nothing and complain about all the guys that won't stop staring.
MFW when my friend says something stupid and I can't tell if they're serious
MFW I'm the programmer that suggested removing the slide to unlock feature in the new IOS update
MFW my friends asks me if I want to go to a renaissance festival
MFW I read something on TIL that I’ve known for a long time
MFW my friend asks if I'm feelin' it yet.
MFW I'm depressed but still have to show them the ol' razzle dazzle.
MFW waiting for my girlfriends period to end.
MFW we have 2 blunts in rotation and I'm asked if I'm high
MFW it's my day off and I can sleep in, but anxiety over being late causes me to wake up an hour early
MFW my nephew says his Christmas present is so big it has to stay in the backyard.
MFW I brake so smoothly that I don't even feel the car stop
MFW driving in Seattle
MFW my dad can't get me out of it
MFW my military friends bring me with them to work out
MFW I have to poop and I hit every red light on the way home
MFW I hear about kids butt chugging
Mfw the professor tells the class to find a partner for the project
MFW someone tells me covfefe isn't a word.
MFW working in Staples and a nervous looking guy in a tracksuit tries to buy plastic baggies and a set of weighing scales together.
MFW I make it through a 9 hour work day plus another 4 hours of class
MFW a Florida police officer got fired for sending this picture to his supervisor
MFW I'm out of shape and hate mysef
MFW I whip out my dong at a feminist pride walk
MFW my wife tells me she made gluten and dairy free cookies and that the recipe called for sugar but she left it out because sugar is bad for you.
MFW the wife says not tonight.
MFW Deleting a Heavily Downvoted Comment
MFW I realize its my cakeday and I've been here 7 years
MFW Chairman Pao ruined my cakeday
mfw the democrats and republicans start doubting their own parties
MFW my SO flips lights on at the butt crack of dawn.
MFW I saw the new Star Wars official trailer
MFW my post gets lots of upvotes, but nobody comments
MFW I left a good job in my country to seek a better opportunity in America.
MFW I forget to pay the electricity bill
MFW someone gives me a Dove.
MFW my 4 year old son wants bacon and eggs for dinner
MFW it falls into a state of disrepair and becomes derelict
MFW I lose my fedora
MFW I Finally Turn 21 and then the Bartender Asks For My ID...
When somebody does something XTREME
MFW I go into Party City the day before Halloween because I forgot something for my costume...
MFW my girlfriend asks me if I'm wasted.
MFW when they called back with an offer after the interview
MFW finding out Trump has a sister
MFW I open snapchat and accidentally see myself.
My Wife's Face When her relative keeps inserting a stuffed animal into our wedding photos.
MFW a Kenyan suiter offers my dad, the President of the United States, 500 cows for my hand in marriage
As a 30 year old with a 21 year old girlfriend.
MFW I know i'm home alone, but I still check everyone's doors before I beat my meat.
MFW when my GF complains about me playin with LEGOs
When you're at your friends house and their parents call them by their full name
MFW I hear someone use the ringtone I use for my alarm
MFW I wasted away my summer vacation and there's a week left
Mfw I win at bar trivia
MFW I don't understand what's going over at YouTube
MFW I nut and she keeps sucking
MFW my truck starts making weird noises.
MFW I see all the new Muslim fans supporting Khabib, acting like they knew anything about him before the Mcgregor fight
MFW I'm caught sweeping the floor with my imaginary broom
MFW I am high af outside my own body
MFW my girl starts tugging on my wiener out of nowhere.
MFW Reading the Terms and Conditions
MFW I just filled up with $1.70 gas
MFW I hear the Jurassic Park theme being played anywhere.
MFW I just got done running in P.E. and then a pretty girl smiles at me.
MFW I work in a sperm bank
Mfw I ask my buddy if anyone will notice that I'm high
MFW when I'm at an interview and I've lied on my resume
MFW I touch food while washing dishes
Mfw I'm playing civ 5 and finish a war with a huge army but they have nothing to do now
MFW the UK is leaving the EU, Scotland is leaving the UK, and Northern Ireland is joining regular Ireland
MFW my mom is in town so I have to pretend that I'm totally fine and can function as an actual adult.
MFW my vegan pizza contains parmesan cheese in the sauce.
Stood on my bed to kill a stink bug in the top corner of my room. Immediately felt the wrath of karma as I turn around and hit my head on the ceiling fan... It was on high. The light blew out. Now I'm sitting in darkness and I think I'm bleeding. MFW I hear the stink bug buzz across my room.
MFW somebody tells me no rush.
MFW I thought it was the national anthem but it wasn't
MFW this Call of Duty beta has still not been released yet
MFW cousin is dipping and I hand him a spit bottle and he says I don't need a spitter.
MRW someone asks if they can have some of my Fruit by the Foot™
MFW I decided to check out /r/The_Donald for the first time.
MFW I listen to the hamburger helper mix tape.
MFW i got way too high and realized i could feel the air
MFW it's my birthday but I got no friends
MFW I search my feelings and I know it to be true
MFW someone tells me I should shave my beard.
MFW she cums from tongue
MFW I first saw 2 girls 1 cup
MFW I'm the only one home and the TV in the other room turns on.
MFW I find out my gf is a squirter (also here to reap my annual cakeday karma)
mfw I want to get in all the fun at r/blackpeopleTwitter, but can't because I'm a honky.
MFW summer is over and it's the first cold night of the year (x-post from r/ProductPorn)
MFW I come to terms with the fact that my cakeday is always overshadowed by April Fool's Day
MFW somebody confuses me with my brother.
MFW my annoying little cousin challenges me to Super Smash Bros
MFW i talked a lot of shit to a girl saying I'm good at giving a massage and now she actually wants a massage so I'm searching up how to give a massage to back up my bullshit
How I feel when I upvote a -200 post.
Mfw I get paresthesia from having my wisdom teeth cut out.
MFW Me and my bro find some sick new sunglasses
MFW I go to take a shit and it starts to burn..
MFW I delete my browser history in front of my mom and she asks why.
MFW: I get called creepy for trying to make plans to meet over drinks and hookup on Tinder
My kids' reaction when I try to feed them something healthy for once.
MRW my GF gets out of the shower freshly shaved
MFW the chicken nuggets & fries have the same baking temperature.
MFW I'm drunk and meeting new people
MFW I discovered that holographic wills exists! Then MFW I found out what they were.
Mfw my hand is impaled by my staff, but Im a king, so I aint no pussy bitch
MFW I realise I'm stuck on Trumps wild ride
MFW I accidentally have German subtitles on
MFW i touch a piece of food while doing the dishes
MFW I realise my 4 year cake day is today, and not yesterday.
MFW I heard christians are buying Starbucks and giving their name as Merry Christmas as a way to boycott/prank them.
MFW I got Fallout 4 on my mind
MFW I whisper a joke to my friend in class, and then she yells it out for the whole class to laugh at.
MFW I don't have Tupperware but need to take my salad with me for lunch.
MFW I keep hearing about a big interview with Stormy
MFW shaving my balls with a disposable razor