Got my daughter a penguin to track for Christmas. He’s dead. And the kids all thought it was hilarious.

3mo ⋅ ⋅

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My dad says, “Google is doing this stupid thing where the blur the top left part of the results. Facebook is doing it too actually.” He melted the top left corner of his screen.

3yr ⋅

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Environmental allergy panel results indicate extreme sensitivity to almost everything. The doctor pulled the nurses into the room to see before putting on calamine.

1yr ⋅

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Opened the door to my Bluebird nesting box to check on the growth of the baby birds and found this snake inside. All the birds were eaten.

11mo ⋅

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Company owner decided to stop paying his drivers so one of them parked their semi on the owners Ferrari and just left it there.

4yr ⋅

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Couldn’t get out of my driveway this morning. I had the car towed and now my neighbor is pissed.

11mo ⋅

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Drove my 17 year old son to visit my childhood home

1yr ⋅

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Went to Costco to grab a rotisserie chicken for the weekend, but this lady beat everyone to it

1yr ⋅

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My 5 year old, independently read 50 books. Took all year. i present to you the 50 book reward from his primary school...

1yr ⋅

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Well, it now makes sense why I'm always extremely uncomfortable, everywhere, all the time.

1yr ⋅

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Blizzard blew the man door on my garage open yesterday

1yr ⋅

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News Reporter in Denver has his camera shot by Police

4yr ⋅

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I accidently branded Rachael Ray's name on myself with one of her roasting trays

1yr ⋅

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Sold my iPad in public space at night in Minnesotan -10F temperature, turned out it's fake.

2yr ⋅

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Went to my first car meet as a mum and also since spending hours wrapping my car, only for a girl to come up to it, laugh and take photos of all the bad spots on my wrap where I messed up. She thought I wasn’t the owner because I had a pram.

11mo ⋅

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Used a bit too much woodglue to secure the hook to the door. Came back to it dried like this

1yr ⋅

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I’m being over charged by insurance after my daughter was born. This is the pile of mail I have to go through to prove they’re ripping me off. Pear for scale.

2yr ⋅

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Amazon said this photo is proof that a $1093, 150 pound generator was delivered to my house

1mo ⋅

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The time my boss had us unhook the shelves from the wall. Turns out that's what held the shelves upright.

11mo ⋅

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Summers in England.

4yr ⋅

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Overnight coworker sent me this last night.

1yr ⋅

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Got laid off today with zero notice, found all my stuff already in a box when I got to work

2yr ⋅

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Apparently my boyfriend is active on Bumble...

1wk ⋅

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Japan’s “Killing Stone” breaks in half after 1,000 years. Legend has it that the demonic spirit trapped inside is now free to wreak havoc on the land.

2yr ⋅

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Poor OP

1mo ⋅

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Had my catalytic converter stolen twice now. Wish me luck on #3 (actual photos)

2yr ⋅

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After a grueling day at work without food where I had to wait 4 hours for a sample to arrive which got canceled, I come home at 7pm to find all my shit in garbage bags cause the cleaners my landlord sent cleared the wrong apartment.

2yr ⋅

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First Day of School in Georgia

3yr ⋅

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My most useful little kitchen knife went to the great drawer in the sky today after 18 years stalwart service :(

3yr ⋅

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When it's your stop and the doors open to this

2yr ⋅

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Someone came in and ordered 46 sandwich combos at 1:45 AM. We close at 2.

3yr ⋅

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New measuring cup. All the ink came off in the first wash

11mo ⋅

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Moving across the country in a few weeks, invited my friends to a farewell bbq. All canceled or just didn't show

2yr ⋅

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Downgraded on overbooked flight and given a perfect view of people enjoying the lie-flat seats we paid for

3mo ⋅

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Right before I left the trampoline park, I put back on my blue shoes. It wasn’t until I got home I realized I didn’t wear my blue shoes to the trampoline park.

1yr ⋅

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My neighbour pipe broke and I am about to be floded

1mo ⋅

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Friend was served this burger last night. Waitress physically recoiled when we showed her. I’m not a burger expert but that seems a little too pink.

1yr ⋅

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This pillar was straight last week. This is the first floor of a seven-floor building.

3yr ⋅

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My pepper grinder broke this morning.

3yr ⋅

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Turned my back for a minute and she peed in 20 cups of uncooked rice...

3yr ⋅

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Lost my wallet 3 days ago, finally ordered new cards and then...

4yr ⋅

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Saw this on FB with someone asking for a contractor. Holy shit!

3yr ⋅

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She traded me for the window seat before we got on the plane

4yr ⋅

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My bathroom’s vanity drawer slid open by itself and is now blocking the only way into the bathroom. I can only open the door about 1cm

1yr ⋅

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Someone parked across our driveway and we can't get the car out on Christmas Eve.

1yr ⋅

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A bird crapped in the open mouth piece of my coffee

3yr ⋅

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At airport parking this morning

1yr ⋅

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My boyfriend told me this was just the top of his canoe when he was on his trip this weekend

1yr ⋅

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Gas leak mistaken as fog

2mo ⋅

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shitty neighbors just ditched their doggo at our house and moved. Sadly we can't keep it.

1yr ⋅

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Shitty parenting 100

3yr ⋅

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The only path back to my room blocked by cute but incredibly angry sea lions.

2yr ⋅

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I'm the only person in my entire office of 30 people who dressed up today and I'm in a full body banana suit.

3yr ⋅

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For Sale!! 2001 Honda Civic, great condition (I hope)

3yr ⋅

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A generous tip for someone working at a restaurant

1yr ⋅

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In-laws invited us over for dinner; it was a trap

3yr ⋅

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Well that's unfortunate :(

10mo ⋅

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well that sucks

10mo ⋅

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Arecibo antennas fall in to dish

3yr ⋅

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Bought an antique cake pan, thought I should test for lead before using it

1yr ⋅

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I had a cystic pimple on my forehead that swole up pretty good. Then the swelling migrated down and now I look like an Animorph.

1yr ⋅

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The headache I've been having for the last 6 months turns out to be a brain tumour

1yr ⋅

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ATM turned off after taking my deposit and did not show up on my account

1yr ⋅

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Hubby unemployed for 9 months. Finally landed a job thats not temp or a contract gig. 5 minutes after clocking in, he trips on some carpet and breaks his leg

1yr ⋅

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When you’re working from home and you hit video instead of audio

3yr ⋅

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Slaved over a dinner date, got stood up.

2yr ⋅

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my compensation for working through a pandemic for the past 3 months...

4yr ⋅

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Why is my watch stopped? Oh.

2yr ⋅

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Over the last three agonizing weeks, my gum has been ejecting this shard of my jawbone from my wisdom tooth extraction 15 years ago. It finally came out today. 15/64 drill bit for scale. Second picture is a closeup.

1yr ⋅

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Dog was barking funny - didn't see the copperhead until it was too late

1yr ⋅

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well that sucks

10mo ⋅

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Came home from work to find a few tons of gravel dumped in my driveway. No idea where it came from.

1yr ⋅

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I found where my 3 year old twins have been hiding my loose change

3yr ⋅

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I now remember that yesterday I wanted a cool soda

3yr ⋅

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Just had Satan's moustache crawl across my face when I was trying to go to sleep. My skin is crawling.

1yr ⋅

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Whole bunch of pre-rolls found at the park, someone’s evening got ruined.

1yr ⋅

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PSA: Prior to moving the 'dead' raccoon, make absolutely sure the raccoon is in fact dead and not simply sleeping.

2mo ⋅

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Well it was a good 12 year run

4mo ⋅

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Stuck in the middle of the race

10mo ⋅

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Was standing in the grocery store when the ceiling tile above me fell, hit me in the head, followed by a few gallons of dirty water. I was completely soaked and employees didn't do anything.

2yr ⋅

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If you're having a bad day just remember, you could be the guy who's driving a bus full of potential Coronavirus carriers to quarantine while being observed by a man in a hazmat suit

4yr ⋅

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Phone slipped out of my pocket while go karting and became wedged under the kart. This is what I found at the end of the lap.

3yr ⋅

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Forgot I was heating oil for French fries.

1yr ⋅

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Do you want to see what God did to me today

1yr ⋅

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The Fedex deliveries in my area frequently get lost. Today someone found 300-400 boxes in a ravine.

2yr ⋅

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Bought a PS5 for my son’s birthday. Someone at UPS swapped it out with a rock

2yr ⋅

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My backyard after the gender reveal party on Saturday

3yr ⋅

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I’m not a fancy gal. I put in so much effort to look nice for a big work event, only to have the picture they post look like I’m wearing jeans and boots under my dress.

1yr ⋅

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I’m a solar roofer, and we are required to wear gloves while we work.....it’s only may

3yr ⋅

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Just got home from a rushed trip to Home Depot and found this in my bag.

2yr ⋅

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Brought wheelchair friend to stall while at Denny's. It has no door. Asked if he could use womans restroom, told no. Wheeled him in anyways (made sure empty first). They called the police on us. Police came and didn't do anything as it was obvious we had no choice in using the woman rest room.

2yr ⋅

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Landscapers trimmed my plastic plant.

1yr ⋅

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Nobody told me there was no floor support in an attic...

11mo ⋅

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Got up extra early just to make a special traditional breakfast for the parents. Instead of having a good time i got yelled at for using the expensive teabags, at which point they both got up and left.

3yr ⋅

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“I think I left a window open last night, not sure.”

3yr ⋅

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The future is here. And it is stupid

3mo ⋅

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My friend is allergic to everything.

4yr ⋅

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Son decided to swallow a nickel and turn $.05 into $4400.00

2yr ⋅

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Big brain Dad

4yr ⋅

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My dad celebrated his 60th last night, a majority of his friends brought bottles of wine as a gift. He's been sober for over 26 years...

1mo ⋅

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Is it funnier knowing that these are antidepressants?

3yr ⋅

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Just bought our dream home less than 2 months ago. Tonight I watched it burn to the ground in a massive wildfire.

3yr ⋅

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When you live in Svalbard, Norway and forgot to close the window to the home office

3yr ⋅

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“Honey, have you seen my other AirPod?”

1yr ⋅

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Dog decided to bust through my bedroom door like the Kool-Aid man while I was at work

11mo ⋅

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Central Michigan University sent out stickers for your keyboard

1yr ⋅

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Been waiting 6 weeks for a rather expensive toilet so we can fit it at a client's house, it has finally arrived

3yr ⋅

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The week before thanksgiving.

4mo ⋅

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Ordered fried pickles as an appetizer. I got 1 pickle cut into 4, cost me $10

1yr ⋅

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In ten seconds I'm going to discover the value of lifejackets and renter's insurance

2yr ⋅

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Bought a $44 handmade, ceramic mug. It cracks as I pour in my first cup of tea

1yr ⋅

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A part of Highway 1 fell into the ocean, so a 45 mile drive turned into a 200 mile drive.

3yr ⋅

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I have a meeting at congress and no one showed up.

2mo ⋅

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No Jon, I'm pooping

5yr ⋅

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Yikes

1yr ⋅

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Seattle coronavirus survivor gets a $1.1 million, 181-page hospital bill. As Italian I can’t imagine a country with no free healthcare and I wonder how could someone recover from this?

4yr ⋅

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Yearbook photo from my first year as a teacher.

3yr ⋅

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My neighbor has weeds in his fake grass

1yr ⋅

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Apparently there's a staple sticking upon this bench

3yr ⋅

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At least he was a good sport about it

3yr ⋅

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Went for a regular 3 mile (5k) run. About a mile in, I went to take my next stride and my leg snapped.

1yr ⋅

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This is my view from the bathroom floor, looking at the hole in the ceiling I just fell through.

2yr ⋅

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I’m a terrible baker but I wanted to surprise my wife with a fresh loaf of bread. Everything was looking great until I cut into it.

10mo ⋅

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In 2015, a Texas plumber who sold his truck to a dealership found out that the decals were not removed when it ended up in the hands of ISIS

4yr ⋅

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went to show my bunny the forrest. sounded better in my head.

2yr ⋅

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Boyfriend decided to try out a new hairdresser.

3yr ⋅

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My mom held a graduation party today and no one came.

2yr ⋅

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Came home late from work, drop my open sandwhich in the parking lot. Go to make pasta, the first pot slips and I pour it all on the ground. Make a second pot and the handle straight up breaks and my pasta goes everywhere. Didn't eat; had a lil cry.

4yr ⋅

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After ripping out my front door, I learn there are different sizes for doors.

8mo ⋅

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The Frontier bag check line was more than an hour long, causing more than a dozen people to miss our flight

1yr ⋅

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Accidentally let my shorts touch the floor for 2 seconds in the airport bathroom

11mo ⋅

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I drove 2 hours there for a good deal on a coffee machine, only to end up with this...

5mo ⋅

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Look I've heard it's rough in AUS, but South Africa hits different. No morning swim today.

3yr ⋅

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can’t get to work

2mo ⋅

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Results from an allergy test - my body reacts to every type of local allergen!

3yr ⋅

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This “gift” for employee appreciation

1yr ⋅

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Drove to an urgent care to have my throat looked at, got to an exam room, and learned they were only doing telehealth visits when they wheeled this in

3mo ⋅

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today is the first meetup of my sons toddler group, we are hosting and out of 8 mothers 7 canceled like half a hour befor it would start.. my wife just send me this picture

1yr ⋅

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My car this morning..

1yr ⋅

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My friend works as an extra in movies and does stock photography.... just saw him pictured as a sex offender on a bus in Florida

4yr ⋅

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